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treat MY BODY like it's an amusement park!
Bizarre ramblings from the mundane to the erotic--mainly concocted just to amuse myself, but I do enjoy your comments... So, why don't you get your hand out of your pants--or hell, just type with the one hand that's not busy, and say something...
BEWARE: IF YOU ARE: RUDE, NARROW MINDED, OBNOXIOUS, LEAVE COMMENTS RIDDLED WITH EXCESSIVE TYPOGRAPHICAL AND/OR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, OR INSIST ON MAKING ME NAUSEOUS WITH EXCESSIVE CLICHES--YOU ARE FAIR GAME AND WILL BE MOCKED INCESSANTLY! (I'm just sayin...)
Come to the Dark side-We have cookies... |
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So...
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Posted:Aug 3, 2010 10:17 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2011 8:37 pm
27218 Views
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So much has gone on since I last blogged here in earnest. It's kind of hard to believe that I've stayed away so much, especially since the people close to me in my life now almost all come back directly through this crazy website. Friends and lovers that I still keep in touch with, people I see almost daily, cyber friends who have been my sanity and my sounding board for years, that I hold dear, though I've never met them in person.
My marriage suffered a long, agonizing, death. (see previous blog posts). I had a passionate, long term love affair with a man I met here, that ended because it never should have started. I watched the father of my become a "deadbeat Dad". I lost my home, my car, I declared bankruptcy. I made new friends, I started a new career. I dyed my blonde hair black, I pierced my nose. I began singing in public simply because it scares the hell out of me yet I do it regardless, which makes me feel like a total bad ass!
I test my boundaries because otherwise, I am not certain of where they are.
There comes a point in your life, when you realize that almost every thing you've ever feared, has already happened to you. You look around and see that not only have you survived it (though you may be a bit worse for wear), but that you are still standing. There's nothing really left that I am afraid of. That makes me a force to be reckoned with, I suppose.
I've done things I never thought I was capable of. (Both good and not so good.)
I've been shocked by the depths of depravity some have shown, and equally as shocked by kindnesses shown to me.
I've hated.
I've loved.
I've lost.
I've learned.
See ya around,
Wantto (a total badass)
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11
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Sweet merciful crap!?!
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Posted:Feb 25, 2009 2:15 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2010 9:38 am
26164 Views
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Just what in the fuckity has been going on here since I took a sabbatical?????
Oh, same bullshit you say? Ah well, carry on then. As you were people, as you were...
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Open letter to Penii everywhere from the women whom they piss off...
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Posted:Feb 25, 2009 2:11 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2011 10:13 am
26999 Views
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Dear Penises (aka Penii),
Don't take this the wrong way, but I hate you. Please leave me alone. This goes for past, present and any penii thinking of approaching me in the future. Okay, yes, if you want to get technical, maybe secretly I really do heart you, it's just that you are attached to a most sucky species, therefore I hate you by proxy.
No, we can't work it out. No, I don't wanna be friends. I despise you and your ugly stepbrothers. Okay, not so much you, but your owners, although, let's be honest, we all know who runs the show in that relationship...
I hate to break it to you, but I have enough brightly colored battery operated renditions of you to keep me from giving myself carpal tunnel syndrome. Also interesting to note, shockingly, my battery operated friends never once have:
stood me up,
missed the toilet seat,
finished too quickly,
hogged the remote,
failed to be where they were supposed to and/or failed to answer their cellphone, complained if I spit in lieu of swallowing,
cheated on me,
left me to sleep in the wetspot,
left their dooky-skid underpants NEXT TO the dirty laundry hamper,
or made other such emotional, financial, tangible or otherwise nasty messes left behind for me to clean up.
Don't even get me started on where that funky odor is coming from...
Granted, my jelly-made boyfriends can't take me to dinner, tell me I look pretty, or buy me flowers on occasion, hmmm... let's see... oh yeah... NEITHER DID YOU!!!! At this point, frankly, I've learned to handle that stuff myself as well, and more often than not, I find chicks or gay boyfriends make better company with less hassle anyway. The trade-off of putting up with your owner's crap in exchange for getting my lawn mowed or any other bones you decide to throw me (pardon the pun) is just not worth it.
Is it any wonder why women keep turning to lesbianism??? I think by now you see my point...
It's not me, it's you...
Signed,
Bitter Betty
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7
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WooHoo
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Posted:Dec 14, 2008 1:48 pm
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2009 2:11 pm
26149 Views
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I have managed to keep my mouth shut long enough to lose a few watchers..and am now, once again at that magical number of subscribers...
68
Wait, what? Oh. I mean...
69
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2
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What is and what should never be...
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Posted:Nov 26, 2008 7:38 pm
Last Updated:Nov 30, 2008 9:37 am
26314 Views
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Ok, so I stole that title from a Led Zepplin lyric--whatev...
It's been a few years since I have hosted a big meal at my house, and while it's sorta nice to just show up at someone's house having THEM have busted their ass for 2 days prior instead of ME... BUT, there is a good amount of fun to be had in the preparations.
I am actually pretty domestic when I want to be (yah, I know, why don't go go bake you a pie and knit myself a sweater while I am at it...), and cooking with the right person is a lot of fun, so I really like to uncork a bottle of wine---or Vodka (as the case may be), put on some tunes and start cooking. Something about the intimacy of sitting on the kitchen counters and talking. Prep the turkey... drink... dance (i do this on a regular basis anyway)... drink.... sing in the kitchen... drink a little more to make the singing sound better... make the pies... You get the idea.
Finish the bottle--er, the food preparations... Take the bottle to the hot tub... Finish that bottle... Perhaps open another in front of the fireplace... Fuck like animals for 3-4 hours... You get the idea.
What I am actually doing:
I have my sister's in addition to my own, so I cooked ravioli for dinner and then, in between video games, we made snickerdoodle cookies for tomorrow. I am thinking about taking a hot bath before I go to bed---but frankly, the contrast of what I WANT and what I'VE GOT are just far too great--- I think it's best that I just retire for the evening...
I AM looking forward to seeing my family tomorrow---and my sis does throw a pretty damn good spread. Plus, I am looking forward to playing the Wii. (It ain't gonna be pretty, but it IS gonna be fun.)
Sigh...
Signed,
Sexually and domestically frustrated.
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The Greatest comeback post EVER...
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Posted:Nov 26, 2008 5:04 pm
Last Updated:Nov 30, 2008 9:36 am
26596 Views
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So, I have been very busy. And sadly, this isn't the greatest comeback post ever, but there are times when the thoughts banging around in my head become so profuse, that I HAVE to stop and get them out, otherwise I obsessively run through the thoughts over and over until they run over me. My problem is that I am a bit of a perfectionist, and I then spend hours editing and re-working any post--especially one sort of "important" to me, so that makes it hard for me to be as prolific as I would like. Coupled with that, there is alot going on, lots that I would have to explain to those that don't know me personally. Some things that I just don't know how to talk about, some I am keeping quiet for the sake of discretion. Some things I wanna say but shouldn't and some things that I probably shouldn't say, but want to. There are other things still, that I just don't want the other half of this profile reading... And I find myself censoring my blog so as not to worry those that know me. So, I for the most part keep my mouth shut.
I wrote this one night in October--when misery came crushing down on me like a steam engine--I just kept trying to frame it in context and-couldn't find the words...it sounds horribly depressing. Guess I was horribly depressed---or drunk...maybe both. At any rate, it made me feel a bit better to have it out of my head---pick it apart and then get up, dust myself off and go on.
Anyway, it occurs to me that: yeah, ok, it reads like some adolescent goth 's overdramatic ramblings after being jilted in 3rd hour Geometry class---BUT, It also has an element of humor--and, well it's how I was feeling at the moment, and though I LIKE being able to vomit out whatever I think in my blog, know that there are some things, GOOD, BAD and UGLY, that I will keep to myself. (Or at least no vomit it out into the blogsphere for all to see.)
UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER
wallow, wallow
and
and
heartbreak
gut wrenching pain
fuckit!
no thank you
hell yeah, it's a cop out
Disney has done horrible things to people
and i am done being a consumer of the fairy tale garbage
its caustic and corrosive
and like a hot load of funky semen
i am not swallowing it anymore
So, please, no need to worry, or express concern, or send me the numbers for the local suicide hotline---save that for when you overhear me having conversations in my head that go like this:
(me-taking prescription painkiller for a migraine)
"Hmmmm, 1 is not quite enough---2 seems like too many... Ok, 1.5 it is..."
"Why not just gulp down the bottle? THAT would fix your headache." 
"Yeah but then THEY all get to win. So fuck them, and FUCK YOU." And then for good measure, I mumble out loud to myself in my empty house "Just SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
And though, I'm certain all of this sounds a little crazy-these type of self talk conversations have always been my way of dealing with things since things got very complex for me when I was a . (Damn, it's getting crowded in my head.)
Yes, I know I have lots to be grateful for, and that shitty times won't last forever and the best way to predict my future is to make it, and that when life hands me lemons, I should make lemonade (either that, or shove the lemons in my bra---couldn't hurt, might help)
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10
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I quit!
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Posted:Nov 9, 2008 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Nov 16, 2008 6:10 pm
27039 Views
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RESIGNATION
I, the undersigned, Wantto, subsequently referred to as “da bitch” do hereby tender my resignation.
“Da bitch’s” resignation is effective immediately and is given with the full expectation and consent that there will be tongue, (and lots of it), with former (upon execution of this agreement) supervisor and Master Cosmetologist known as sexydisaster30 aka “Boom Boom”
The above parties understand that should drunken frolicking occur, this resignation will go into effect immediately without either party actually tendering or accepting the agreement. Both parties agree to indemnify and hold harmless the other party for any tongue action. It is also understood that such resignation is null and void upon the sobering up of either or both parties.
The above named parties also concur that heretofore, this resignation also automatically becomes re-activated, and remains binding on any and all subsequent drunken escapades.
Signed and witnessed this ____________day of _____________________, 2008
_______________________________________
Boom Boom
_______________________________________
Da Bitch
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3
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I am so going to get fired.
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Posted:Nov 7, 2008 4:05 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2008 5:13 pm
26892 Views
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Yesterday at work I followed my crazy ass boss as she went downstairs to get her eyebrows waxed (finally) because as I keep explaining to her, you are supposed to have two and not one.
Well, there we were with an esthetician, and at least one other co-worker, I was innocently standing there, when she started making lascivious gestures and wagging her tongue at me while laying on the table. Then all of a sudden, she grabbed me and hoisted me up on the table and forced me to mount her.
Seriously, she has to stop doing that while we are at work......I I felt so violated that I needed to change my panties and I didn't have a spare pair......damn bitch.
But wait, it gets worse, in our sexual harrassment training on Monday she all of a sudden and without provocation grabbed my boobies and slapped them together numerous times, vigorously in front of the HR manager! Well, he got so flustered that he had to leave the room and of course when he walked back in she had jumped up and thrown my leg over her shoulder.....I swear that girl is going to get us fired.
I just gotta wonder---[post 1666416]
Pray for me...
Love, Wantto
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11
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The splatter defense
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Posted:Oct 17, 2008 4:38 pm
Last Updated:Nov 2, 2008 8:51 am
26554 Views
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So, I was chatting with my friend sprklnshine on IM today. She had just come from a self defense class. First of all, I think those classes are cool, with the added bonus that you get to beat the hell out of a guy---(where do I sign up?) But I digress...
Anyhoo, the conversation went pretty much as follows:
Sprkl: Just feeling a little vulnerable. I had a hard time maintaining a 30 second defense on my "attacker". and *i* work out.
Wantto: Yeah, well, I don't work out, but I have devised a strategy that I am pretty convinced will ward off most attackers.
Sprkl: ha. what? puke on them?
Wantto: Well, of course, and I also thought about farting, but I've concluded that NOTHING says "don't me" like diarrhea.
Sprkl: hahahahahhahahahhahahhahahahahha
Wantto: I'm just sayin...
By the way--Sprklnshine is fine, sends he HELLO to all, she just turned off her profile for a bit while she deals with some custody stuff with the ex.
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8
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So true it's scary...
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Posted:Oct 10, 2008 2:45 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2009 9:08 pm
27057 Views
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I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick.
I just love that quote... It's from the WITCHES OF EASTWIICK. I love it so much, I used that quote in a show I did.
That is all, good people, as you were... I'm fine, honest! Stop gawking, nothing to see here, move the fuck along!
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3
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Eager Beaver
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Posted:Sep 17, 2008 4:35 pm
Last Updated:Oct 17, 2008 6:31 pm
27582 Views
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While this title would usually apply to one of the products I sell, currently it also applies to me.
I could blah blah blah, woof-woof you with the mundane details of how half the time I am still very bitter and unsure of what the fuckity fucketh I am doing... Or I could tell you how alot of the time lately, I feel more and more sparkly fantastic like my old self---seems to me that old girl I remember peeks back out in the corners of my smirky smile. 
I am starting work fulltime in less than a week and there is much to do. Beyond making childcare arrangements to accommodate non-standard work hours, I also have been shopping for work clothes---WHEEE! I have been at home since I was on bedrest with my first pregnancy (about 6 years), and before that, I was pretty much self employed anyway, so sticking to a schedule and literally punching a clock is sort of a whole new world for me---but I am looking forward to it. Imagine me engaging in a conversation that does not begin with "That's nice honey, but really, please put your underpants back on..." and does not end with the other party screaming NOOOOO! and throwing something to the floor. Wait. Ok, in theory--I have had those type conversations out in public with complete strangers, now that I think of it, but you know what I mean... Now that you mention it, I have had that precise conversation with both Package1971 and walkinatmidnight, but I digress...
Now if only I can convince da crazy boss biotch, sexydisaster30 that we need adult sized Johnny Jump-up bouncey seats for the salon... (Come on, seriously, how FUN would that be?? Plus it would totally cut down on my back pain and both of our leg fatigue... I'm just sayin... Think about it...)
Since she outed me in her blog last week that I have been working for sexydisaster30 for a few weeks now -- I figure I should address that I have apparently met a few 04j.com bloggers out in public in the flesh---usually unbeknownst to me at the time, that I am meeting a fellow perv.  It's strange, you crazy fuckers seem just like regular folks, you blend right in with the crowd... I bet it never even occurred to you that the silly girl chatting you up was none other than moi... 
But seriously, if you know what's good for you, you'll bring donuts next time. What else? Though no one I have met asks me directly, I'll save you the trouble of asking her--
Yes, the lips are real. Born with 'em, suffered through the nickname of "Lippy" etc for years, I've earned the compliments - thank you, yes, they are full and lovely. 
The boobs. Well, they're real, real expensive. The girls gave quite an effort to breastfeeding and they demanded they be restored to their pre- former glory. Put those things back where you found them, or so help me... 
So though I have had little to say here lately, I suspect I will have even less time for it now that I am juggling rearing, working in midtown, learning a new trade, and still building my evil dildo empire... 
OOOH, I almost forgot--- I auditioned for a local and touring group---something I have been wanting to do is get back into performing--but my idea of what I thought needed to be done- scared the piss out of me--I did it anyway (cause I'm a badazzz) and I got a standing O at my audition and immediate job offer...
WHEEEEE--so maybe, if you're lucky, I'll let you know about shows.
See, can you forgive my silence now? 
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3
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My support group
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Posted:Aug 27, 2008 9:25 am
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2012 2:11 pm
26363 Views
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So, I have a lot of stuff going on, and I have been seeing a therapist to help me sort things out. How's THAT going? you ask... Well...
We have been meeting in a Stressed out Moms support group, so the other day, we had a guest speaker, a behavioral psychiatrist, and he conducted our group therapy session with four of us mothers along with our small .
It was very interesting... "In addition to your other issues, you all have obsessions," he observed.
To one of the overweight mothers in the group, (I'll call her Mary), he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, (trophy wife---let's call her Kathy), "Your obsession is clearly with money. Again, it manifests itself in your 's name, Penny."
Then to the third Mom (co-dependant of alcoholic parents, Joyce), "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your 's name, Brandy." (What was she thinking?---that is a TOTAL stripper name---as bad as Candy!)
At this point, I was getting mighty uncomfortable. So, I quietly got up, took my youngest by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your brothers Peter and Willy are waiting for us..."
I may not know much, but I fucking know when to make an exit...
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14
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HAHAHA!
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Posted:Aug 5, 2008 3:42 pm
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2015 5:21 am
25105 Views
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Thank you to liverich50 for sending me my new blog piccy.
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12
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To link to this blog (wanttowatchher5) use [blog wanttowatchher5] in your messages.
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