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SEX, THE "D" WORD, AND ROCK & ROLL, THE BLUES, PUNK ROCK, MOVIES, CONCERTS, EVENTS, T.V. AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT'S COOL.....A POP CULTURE MANIFESTO, IN CELEBRATION OF THE END.
ENJOY YOURSELVES.
President, backpocket13.
-And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird.
-Revelation 18:2
- "Maybe there is no Heaven. Or maybe this is all pure gibberish - A product of the demented imagination of a lazy drunken Hillbilly, with a heart full of hate, who has found a way to live out where the real winds blow, to sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whiskey, and drive fast on empty streets, with nothing in mind except falling in love, and not getting arrested."
- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
- "Tonight I'll be on that hill 'cause I can't stop, I'll be on that hill with everything I've got. Lives on the line where dreams are found and lost, I'll be there on time and I'll pay the cost, for wanting things that can only be found, in the darkness on the edge of town."
- Bruce Springsteen
- "What matters most is how well you walk through the fire."
- Charles Bukowski
- "The beast in me is chained by frail and fragile bonds, restless by day and by night rants and rages at the stars. God help the beast in me."
- Nick Lowe
All of the Writings Contained within this Blog are the Copy Righted Property of The Sinners Club TM and may Not be Used in any manner without the Written Consent of the Author.
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“Three Little Buttons”
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Posted:Apr 1, 2019 2:59 pm
Last Updated:Apr 8, 2019 3:41 pm
6856 Views
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“It is well that war is so terrible, or we should grow too fond of it.”
~ Robert E. Lee ~
..........Greetings and Salutations once again My Fallen Angels,........I’m glad that just about everyone made it through the weekend unscathed,........Today we’ going to do something a little different,........What you may not know about good old backpocket is that I’m an avid reader and a student of The American Civil War,.........So allow Me to share a few of my favorite pieces with you,............
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..........The button pictured above is a Union Cavalry Officer’s cuff button. The Officer’s uniform had six of these buttons, three on each cuff. This particular button was dug at Dinwiddie Courthouse Virginia. This was the location of several fierce Cavalry skirmishes. Union Calvary regiments involved were the 1st, 5th, 6th, and 7th Michigan Calvary. These regiments were under the direct command of a dashing, 23 year old Colonel with long curly blonde hair, named George Armstrong Custer, who, years later would foolishly lead The 7th Cavalry to it’s utter annihilation at The Little Bighorn.
..........The above button is from a Confederate Infantryman’s uniform tunic. This button is a good example of how poorly the average Confederate soldiers were equipped. While many Confederate uniforms were gray, a great many were a color known commonly as “butternut”. More often than not Confederate Soldiers were poor farm boys who didn’t all have access to one universal uniform, many just wore their local militia uniforms. This button is mostly made of lead, with another metal added to it so as to reduce the malleability of the lead. This button was dug in West Virginia, which would make it from a Confederate Soldier in The Army of Tennessee, under either General John Bell Hood, or General Joseph Johnston.
..........The third button pictured above is a Confederate Officer’s uniform button, worn on the front of the Officer’s tunic. The condition of this button is excellent, with just the slightest wear on the “A”. The reason that the quality of this Confederate button is so much better than the Infantryman’s is on account of the fact that this button was made by The Superior Quality Button Company based in England and run through General Winfield Scott’s Naval blockade, better known as “The Aniconda Plan” by Confederate sympathizers.
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..........And so, My Faithful Flock I hope that you enjoyed today’s little history lesson,........And Fear Not!........We will return to our regularly scheduled Mayhem in our Next post,.........With that I bid you farewell for now,.......But if you should ever need me, I’ll be right here where you left me.
Sinfully Yours backpocket
President: The Sinners Club
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My Morning Song
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Posted:Mar 30, 2019 3:26 am
Last Updated:Apr 3, 2019 1:39 pm
6402 Views
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“Six in the morning, gave me no warning
I had to be on my way.
Now the cars are all passing me
Trucks are all flashing me
I’m on my way home from your place.”
“And now the sun’s coming up
I’m riding with Lady Luck
Freeway cars and trucks
Stars beginning to fade
And I lead the parade.”
~ Tom Waits ~ “Ol’ ‘55”
..........Good Morning to all of the early rising members of my flock,........I hope that you all had a restful nights sleep?.......Not Me!........I spent my entire night creeping around Blogville like a clean thought in your dirty little head!.......So a lot of you will be waking up to my twisted sense of humor!........Best of Luck with that!........Now however I’m off to work,........Nothing beats playing with power tools after being up for forty eight hours straight,.......Ahhhhh but you all know what the boys in the band said,........”It’s nobody’s fault but Mine”!.........So, that’s that,........anywho, seeing as how I currently look like death reheated, I hate to leave you My Faithful Followers with nothing to look at,........So here is an older picture from one of my private albums,.........I sure wish I was doing this right now,.......Life won’t wait and I’ve got a set of stairs that aren’t going to build themselves,.........So here, granted it’s me from a few years back enjoying a nice long day of lounging in bed,........The only thing that would’ve made it better would have been some company!..........
Sinfully Yours backpocket13
President: The Sinners Club
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“Gratuitous Ass Shot”
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Posted:Mar 29, 2019 6:10 am
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2020 8:30 am
6574 Views
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“Oh well lord take me downtown.
I’m just looking for some tush.”
~ Joe Hill, Frank Beard, And Billy Gibbons ~ “Tush”
...........Greetings and Salutations to all of you my Wayward Flock. It’s Friday morning! That means that you only need to make it through the day before you can start to satiate those wild and crazy urges that come over us all once work let’s out this afternoon. In the meantime, here’s a little something to hold you over and take your mind off of work. One more thing, this is my first jock and I’m curious as to what all of my tribe think, is it a Yay or a Nay? Don’t leave without leaving an opinion,...........
Sinfully Yours backpocket13
President: The Sinners Club
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“Throwback Thursday’s, Alive and Well!”
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Posted:Mar 28, 2019 6:10 am
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2019 7:55 am
6200 Views
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“Do yourself a favor my friend and let the past be the past.”
~ Randal Graves ~ “Clerks”
..........Greetings and Salutations to all of my Fallen Angels! Come and pull up a seat close to the fire and take a load off of those weary hooves of yours and relax for a bit. Here have a little Smoke, it’ll cure what ails you while relaxing that over taxed mind of yours. Plus, it’ll make you more Receptive to my maniacally crazy ranting and raving.
..........Anywho, way back when I started blogging on here, things were Much, Much Different. Original Content ruled the day, and most bloggers posted scantily clad photos of Themselves, this was the norm. But it seems to be All Over Now Baby Blue!
..........Way back then one of my favorite days was “Half Naked Wednesdays” but im not gonna lie, “Throwback Thursday’s” were always a close second, and while I’m happy to see that HNW’s are still thriving, I’d like to see more members participating in “Throwback Thursday’s” because let’s face it, it’s always fun to see pictures of what we all used to look like before camera apps and crazy filters became the norm. Besides, who couldn’t use a Good Laugh during these troubling times? So, I urge You, my Faithful Flock to pick up this forgotten tradition and bring it back into the Limelight where it belongs!
..........And So, as I harken back to the days of old, I urge all of you out there in Blogville to participate. Let’s see if we can’t get this tradition back on its feet again and start posting those old embarrassing pictures of yourself long before you joined 04j.com!
Sinfully Yours backpocket13
President: The Sinners Club
Post Script, The Picture that I posted is one of Me and my Uncle Sully John back in 1999 at his farewell party, right before Uncle Sully went to the Northern State Pen for racketeering, loan sharkng and extortion. Uncle Sully John was one of my favorite uncles, if you needed something, anything Uncle Sully could get it for you. He was quite the character, and I miss him dearly.
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“Jamaician Vacation Gone Horribly Wrong”
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Posted:Mar 27, 2019 12:17 pm
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2019 7:46 am
5759 Views
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“And if you ever wonder why you ride this carousel.
You did it for the stories you could tell.”
~ Tom Petty ~ “The Stories We Could Tell.”
..........“I’m thinking of taking some time to wander.” Jawbreaker tells me as he passes me the pipe. I take a big hit, holding the smoke for a moment or two before exhailing a huge cumulus cloud towards the ceiling.
“Where to this time?” I ask. “Certainly not back down to Old Mexico again, they promised to cut your balls off if they ever caught you in their country again.”
“Don’t remind me.” Jawbreaker states. “Those people have No sense of humor, that’s the problem.”
“You stole $300,000 from one of Mexico’s biggest Drug Cartels.”
“Oh C’mon now, with all of the money they make, who would ever miss a few hundred thousand?”
“Drug Dealers.”
“Yeah.” He admits. “Drug Dealers.”
“So what’s your plan?” I ask. “You’re fucking lucky they haven’t sent someone after you yet?”
“Who says they haven’t?”
“Sweet Lucifer’s Halo, please don’t tell me any of the details!”
“I was thinking of taking some of that cash and heading to some , sandy, island in the Caribbean for a spell.”
“You might as well just go back down to Mexico then.” I tell him.
“Mexico isn’t an island though.”
“No, it’s not, but it does have many extensive tropical beach resort areas.”
“Besides the fact that I’m not Welcome there anymore, Mexico’s always been the Asshole of the World!”
“Well, That certainly explains why you lived there for so long!”
“Fuck yourself.”
“All I’m saying is that Mexico hasn’t always been “The Wild West”. I tell him. “Don’t you remember “The Love Boat”?”
“The Love Boat” as in that shitty TV show with Issac and fuckin’ Gopher, along with all of those other lame ass fucks?” Jawbreaker asks. “Is that “The Love Boat” That you mean?”
“The very same.” I reply. “Why, do you know of another?”
“No.” He answers. “Wasn’t One enough? That show sucked Big Time!”
“True.” I add. “I was always more of a “Fantasy Island” type guy. Still in all, Issac was the fucking Man though!” I tell him. “That’s not what I’m getting at however.”
“So what the fuck are You getting at?” Jawbreaker demands.
“Well, every week “The Love Boat” would sail on down to beautiful Puerto Vallarta.”
“So?”
“So, Puerto Vallarta is in Mexico.”
“And.”
“The point that I’m trying to illustrate is that Mexico wasn’t always a war zone.”
“Fuck Mexico, although I will admit that I do miss it sometimes.”
“Well, they certainly Don’t miss you ya fuckin’ nut.”
“Oh, like you’re any better!”
“Hey, sure I’ve been thrown of a million and one places for being completely of control, but never was I exiled from an entire country!” I state.
“Well, I was thinking more along the line of Jamaica.”
“Jamaica, Queens?”
“Very fucking funny asshole.”
“You’d be a lot safer there.”
“How would you even know?” Jawbreaker asks. “Have you ever been to Jamaica before?”
“No”. I add. “I’ve never been to a leper’s colony either, but I don’t need to visit one to know that it’s probably not a good idea.”
“Yeah, but I’m talking about a walled in complex, you can’t even get in unless you’re a guest or an employee.”
“Yeah, and I’m sure that they hire the very cream of the crop, do you remember “Mickey the Fish”?
“Mickey’s a hard one to forget.” Jawbreaker admits. “Remember that time that he put that big fat cigar out in that guy’s eye because he called “The Fish” a punk fuck?”
“I was there, remember?” I state.
“Now that’s the kind of thing that once you see it, it’s burned into your psyche forever!” Jawbreaker states.
“Yeah, that’s No shit.” I agree. “Anyway, a bunch of years ago Mickey and his girlfriend vacationed in Jamaica, and it didn’t turn out so well.”
“What happened?” Jawbreaker asks. “Did a bunch of hopped up Rastas try and mug Mickey and his girlfriend or something?”
“Or Something.” I agree. “I guess that you can put it that way, yeah.” I admit. “The robbed him alright, just not in the way that you’re thinking, they didn’t just run up to him and stick a gun in his face.”
“So, What’d they do exactly?”
“Well, they robbed the room while Mick and his girlfriend were watching waterfalls for the day, or some such other good shit.” I tell him. “The robbers came in through the bathroom window like in that old Beatles song, they took all of the cash, the cards, the jewelry, as well as the travelers checks. The only thing they didn’t take were the cheap disposable cameras, probably because they’re worth next to nothing. Then they dumped all of the suitcases onto the floor rummaged through them for anything that they might have missed, before pissing on the pile of clothes before they left.”
“Fucking Savages!”
“Yeah.” I agree with Jawbreaker. “Unfortunately nothing can really be done about it, the local authorities were called, and although none of them spoke English well, a report was filed, if only to placate the unhappy couple.” Adding, “If I remember correctly they made enough Bad Noise that they got their whole stay free before all was said and done.”
“Yeah Man, I would’ve done the same.
“Needless to say, Mickey doesn’t have any trouble getting his hands on some extra cash, so he’s determined not to let this one incident ruin the whole vacation.”
“Smart.” Agrees Jawbreaker.
“So, the rest of the trip goes off without a hitch. They both have such a great time that the whole robbery is almost forgotten.”
“Almost?” Jawbreaker asks.
“Yeah well, Mickey and his girlfriend are home a couple days before his girlfriend decides to go take the film to be developed at the local photo hut.
“So.” Jawbreaker says, losing interest in the subject.
“So, a few days later she goes back to pick up the vacation pictures, she gets all the way home, parks her ass on the couch and begins to flip through the photographs.” I tell Jawbreaker. “About halfway through the stack she starts screaming, Mickey, upstairs sleeping off brunch races down stairs to see what the hell is wrong.”
“What the fuck happened?”
“It turns out that the Rastas who initially robbed them seemed to have a slightly bent sense of humor.” I tell Jawbreaker. “They left Mick and his girlfriend with a little momento of their Violation.”
“You mean Vacation.”
“I meant exactly what I said.” I tell Jawbreaker.
“What the fuck did they do?”
“Well, it turns out that in the middle of the pile of pictures there were a couple pictures with the two Rastas Asses in them.”
“Ahahahahahah!” Jawbreaker cackles in that insane laugh of his.
“Stuck in the two asses were Mickey and his girlfriends toothbrushes, business end first.”
“Awwwwww, Jesus Christ Man!” Jawbreaker states disgustedly. “That’s just plain Fucked Up!”
“Yeah, ya think?”
“Goddamn Fucking Savages!” Jawbreaker says seemingly convinced.
“That’s my entire point.” I declare. “The World is devolving into chaos more and more everyday. It’s getting hazardous to your health to even leave this country anymore!
“So where the fuck am I supposed to go?” He asks exasperated. “The Grand Fuckin’ Canyon?”
“I don’t know.” I tell him. “Although the Grand Canyon is really pretty this time of year.”
“Fuck that.” Jawbreaker tells me. “I want beaches!”
“Go to Florida or better yet California.”
..........Needless to say Jawbreaker departed sometime during the middle of the night, when I awoke this morning both him and Atilla were gone without a trace. That’s not entirely strange though, Lucifer knows he’s dissapeared before, its just that every time he goes I’m never sure if it’s for good or not. Ah well, in all truth, Jawbreaker is like a bad penny, He always turns Up! Only time will tell on that one.
Sinfully Yours backpocket
President; The Sinners Club
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“Rose Tattoo”
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Posted:Mar 26, 2019 3:39 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2019 7:41 pm
5450 Views
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“Some may be from showing up.
Others are from growing up
Sometimes I was so messed up and didn’t have a clue
I ain’t winning no one over
I wear it just for you
I’ve got your name written here in a rose tattoo.”
~ The Dropkick Murphy’s. “Rose Tattoo”
“To be alive at all, is to have scars.”
~ John Steinbeck ~
..........Greetings and Salutations!......How does my wayward flock of Sinners find themselves on this early Tuesday evening?.........I hope that everyone made it to the end of the day without the boys in white having to come and collect you up an commit you,........And if you’re one of the unfortunate souls that it did happen too.........Fear Not,.......You can Always send a letter to Our attorneys here at The Sinners Club,.......at least then you’ll have something to read while you sit there in your bamboo tiger cage awaiting hostage negotiations,..........Shit!.......There I go Again,.......Before I digress any further. The point of this post is to see if any of my Faithful Flock are willing to show me their tattoos, scars or birthmarks.
I showed you one of Mine, now show me One of your own.
Then share the story.
If you don’t have any of the above then feel free to comment anyway.
Sinfully Yours backpocket
President: The Sinners Club
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“My Monday Face.”
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Posted:Mar 25, 2019 2:24 pm
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2019 10:51 am
5328 Views
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Monday, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
~ Ambrose Bierce ~ “The Devil’s Dictionary”
“Goddamn Monday Bastard Shit Fuck Cockwaffles!”
~ Jawbreaker ~
..........Greetings and Salutations!
..........To all of You, my Faithful Flock.
..........My Fallen Angels.
..........Monday is all but over now.
..........All Over but the Shouting as they say.
..........Thank Great Satan’s Pitchfork!”
..........Here’s a little something for you, it’s a picture of me after washing the grim off of myself at the homeowners kitchen sink. Hopefully it’ll help you get through the rest of the day with a Smile.
..........I hope that you all had a fairly painless day at work today.
..........Unfortunately for Me, it was one of those “King Hell days, you know, the sort where any negative thing that could happen did.
..........There was a lot of changes because of the way these management company handle their business, everything is of the cheapest quality because most of these homes are in foreclosure and the bank wants to turn them into rentals, basically I have to work my own standards.
For the meantime the is good so I’m willing to lower my expectations.
I can’t help feeling that the country is circling the drain, and every time it goes around the circles get smaller and smaller until down the drain you go.
Eventually they the 1% will simply abandon us, I’m positive that all of those Billionaires have already furnished themselves a small outpost In the wilderness, or on some island, Costa Rico, maybe just to keep tabs on all off the local drunks and troublemakers.
..........Anywho, Please excuse my Dark Meanderings.
..........I hope that all of you, my Deliciously Deviant Fallen Angels keep Sinning every chance that you get!
..........And So, my Wayward of the Night, I must bid You Good Bye for Now.
..........Fear Not however, if You ever need somewhere to go, swing on by “The Sinners Club” and join in the Insanity!
Sinfully Yours backpocket
Pres. The Sinners Club
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“Searching With My Good Eye Closed.”
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Posted:Mar 23, 2019 1:37 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2019 5:50 am
5370 Views
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“This is my good eye
Do you hear a cow?
A rooster says
Here is a pig
The devil says”
~ Chris Cornell ~ “Searching with my good eye closed”
..........Greetings and Salutations.
My Deviant Darlings.
My Defiant Devils.
It’s Saturday!
Can you say “Thank Sweet Lucifer’s Halo” with Me, my dear of the Night.
We are right in the very eye of the wildly howling maelstrom that is the weekend.
The very Center of the Vortex I tell you.
Is everybody in?
Is Everybody in?
Is Everybody In?
The Ceremony is about to begin.
I was thinking on the current state of life as I know it, and why it feels that in a time of so called “expanded” personal freedoms I feel even more stifled and limited in my own so called personal freedoms.
And I harken back to a simpler easier time.
You’ve got to be careful now a days.
It’s not like it was just a decade or more ago.
Now it seems like everything is recorded and stored away for posterity’s sake, or perhaps for the Prosecutor’s sake.
Everything.
It makes me wonder what all the Mob is doing?
It’s not like you can Lean on people anymore, at least not without your Mugshot winding up on every criminal tip site from here to Hell and back again twice.
Then they went and legalized sports betting here in Jersey, effectively screwing every hard working small time bookie, along with many not so small, into having to do business with the Absolutel Drop Dead, Rock Bottom Gambling Junkies.
The Most Desperate of a Desperate Breed.
Not that they didn’t before, it’s just that now, like we mentioned earlier, you might be on camera.
How do you collect?
Throw ‘em a Stern Talking Too?
Maybe Bruise their Ego a bit?
Break their Chops?
Forget all that Shit.
You can’t sell stolen goods out of the back of a van without worrying that there’s a Drone the size of a Dragonfly with a Super HD camera strapped to its Ass recording the whole shifty transaction in live time while simultaneously sending your location and license plate to the local constabulary.
Maybe they’ve all resort to Cyber Crime now.
That Blood Curdling, Bone Chilling Philip K. Dickian term with it’s Darkly Paranoid Orwellian Conotations.
Big Brother was a Bitch!
Cameras are Everywhere.
Everywhere.
Shit, I don’t even know what you’re supposed to do if you wanna Rub One Out in public anymore?
If you’re feeling randy and decide that you wanna Knock One Out real quick like, you better do it before you leave the house in the morning.
Otherwise You might end up on U-tube, making that face you make right before you burst.
Well, at least you can still Wack the Dummy in the handicap stall at Burger King without worrying about ending up on “Live at Five”.
Am I Right?
Yeah I am.
It floods me with feelings of longing.
I’ll tell Ya, it was just an easier, simpler time.
The Good Old Days.
Back before Dick Pics were a Prerequisite.
If you wanted to show a girl your piece, you had to Physically Whip that Shit Out.
That’s right, and Usually upon Introduction.
You know, Shake It Around a bit and Hope that she was Open and Receptive to Your Offer.
Otherwise you Didn’t get to Pass Go.
You Didn’t get to Collect $200.
You went Right the fuck to Jail.
Or to the Hospital, if her Father caught You after his began to scream, which he Usually Did, because let’s face it, it’s pretty fucking hard to run out of a house and down the street with your pants open and your Junk swinging in the breeze.
I guess that the Silver Lining to that little Thunder Cloud is the fact that there was Always Someone in the County Lockup who Would be very Receptive to your Offer, and probably Match It if you still felt the Need to Show It Off once you got that far.
Ahhhhhh Well, best not to Dwell on a thing to much.
It is the Weekend after All, and just as I Am, the Weekend too is made for One Thing.
Fun and Good Times!
And so, My Wayward Flock, once again I turn you out into the Healing Vacuum of Saturday afternoon in time to Rest Up before the evening’s Festivities kick into High Gear.
And remember, if Ever you feel that Need to Sin begin to wain, You can Always swing on back My Way, because For the Meantime (And What other Time is there if not Mean-Old-Time) I’ll be Right Here, where you left Me,.........
Sinfully Yours backpocket13
President; The Sinners Club
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“The Seventh Inning Stretch.”
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Posted:Mar 21, 2019 3:49 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2019 10:11 pm
5485 Views
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“If I got rid of my demons, I’d lose my angels.”
~ Tennessee Williams ~
..........Greetings and Salutations once again,.......My Angels, My Devils, and all of my other assorted of the Night,.......It brings a smile to my face to see that Most of Us have made it this far.
..........Past the “I don’t like Mondays.”
..........Only to realize that “Tuesday’s Gone.”
..........Through the “Wednesday Week.”
..........To this “Sweet Sweet Thursday.”
..........The proverbial “Seventh Inning Stretch.”
..........Only on more day until the weekend overtakes us once again, with all of its assorted chaos and laughter.
..........So here, My Faithful Flock is a little something to keep you focused until the weekend finally arrives.
..........For Your Eyes Only, I got into my black leather underwear.
..........Yes, the ones with the Zipper up the pouch.
..........If you Blink really Fast it looks like I’m Unzipping!
..........Ohhhhhh Ho! You Wicked Little Screwheads!
..........You’re still Blinking aren’t You?!?!
..........Okay, okay, Now Everyone take One More deep breath, and when you come up again, It’ll be Friday Night!
..........And even if You don’t have anywhere Special to be this Weekend, or haven’t anybody Special to be with, You can always drop on by here for a spell, for now, I’ll be right here where you left me!
Sinfully Yours backpocket13
President; The Sinners Club
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“Doctor, Doctor”
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Posted:Mar 16, 2019 4:13 pm
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2019 7:37 am
5408 Views
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“The pump don’t work ‘cause the vandals took the handle.”
~ Robert Zimmerman ~
..........Well Hello Again, to all of my sweet, sweet fallen angels there scattered across the four corners of blogville, and especially to all of those of you hiding in those dark corners,........ , ,.......Join our rank and file as they say. All are welcome here,......We don’t judge, and all we ask is neither do you.........So please feel free to pull a chair and relax........You’re amongst friends, so allow to jump right in with both feet this week, it’s the easiest way,........We now return our regularly scheduled episode, already in progress,.........
.......It’s unseasonably for an early Friday afternoon in March. The sun is shining brightly, without a cloud in the . This is all for the best because it’s keeping my bare ass as I run through the parking lot of the medical complex in nothing but one of those gowns they give you tie in the back. I dart from row row frantically looking for my truck. Let think, the window I climbed of was in the back of the building. I parked on the far side of the building. There it is, I can see it from here, just two rows over from where I now. Turning I make a B-line and head between the parked cars straight towards it,.......
(Twenty Minutes Earlier)
“I have the results of your blood work Sir, they rushed it over while you were still here because the technician thought the results were well, a little distressing.” The Doctor tells as he closed the examination room door behind him.
sitting on the exam table leaning slightly towards the left in nothing but one of those flimsy gowns are like those smoks you had to wear in kindergarten when you were finger painting.
“First I’d like to ask you a couple questions pertaining to your lifestyle, perhaps will provide us with some insight as to your test results.”
“Great Satan’s Pitchfork Doc!” I exclaimed “How bad is it?”
“Now hold on a second.” The Doctor says.
“Am I gonna Die?” I ask. “Fuckin Finally!”
“No, at least not from any desease we can see, as far as your physical body is concerned you’re in great shape, low blood pressure, low blood , low cholesterol,........”
“Then What?!?!” I bark.
“Well, it’s just the results of the actual content of your blood reads like a Hunter Thompson novel.”
“Really?”
“ or maybe like something by William S. Burroughs, I don’t know, but amongst the many, many other controled dangerous substances and other miscellaneous chemicals are prevalent in your blood, there was a rather large of tranquilizers.” He finishes. “Why were you using tranquilizers?”
“Because they were all of elephant tranquilizers.” I say. “Duh.”
“Excuse ?”
“What’d you squeak one?” I ask. “I don’t smell nothing.”
“What?” The Doctor responds.
“Ahhhh forget it Doc, my friend Jawbreaker has been staying with me till he gets back on his feet.”
“I see.”
“The other day Jawbreaker went and ate an ounce of shrooms.”
“Oh my.” Replies The Doctor.
“Yeah, they were My mushrooms Doc!”
“I don’t understand.”
“Apparently Not.” I tell him. “That no good rotten bastard ate all of my mushrooms!” I continue. “So I grabbed the Pakistani Beheading Clever from between my mattress and I went after the knuckle dragging lout.”
“Wait, What, Why?!?!” The Doctor asks.
“Oh Yeah, but the lucky fuck, he made it to the gun safe and grabbed the tranq gun, and when I came around the corner he shot me twice.”
“Twice?” Asks the Doctor incredulously.
“That smart bastard, he knows well enough to know just one dart alone would never be enough to do the job.” I tell him. “I still have the marks on my neck, see?” I say showing him.
“He shot you in the jugular?!?!”
“Wouldn’t you?” I ask. “I was powerfully upset Doc.”
“Ahhhhhhhhh.”
“Close your mouth Doc you’re catching flies.” I tell him. “When I finally came to, the mad bastard had shaved off all of my facial hair, that’s why my eyebrows are so thin, they’re still growing in, and if you squint your eyes you can still faintly make out the word “Cock” on my forehead.” I finish pointing to my head.
“I wasn’t going to mention that.” The Doctor replies. “Is this all some sort of joke or something?”
“A joke?!?!” I yell. “What the fuck is supposed to mean!?!?”
“ sorry, please continue.” He tells me looking slightly stupefied.
“So, When he comes home I act like it never happened, we had a cup of coffee with a little Irish in it, however unbeknownst to him I’d laced his coffee with a half sheet of Sunshine Acid.”
“Sunshine Acid?”
“Yeah Doc, like as in LSD, what fucking school did you graduate from?” I ask. “Anyway we sat and drank our coffee and talked a bit, and as we sat there I watched him slowly slip into a state of paranoid paralysis as he curled up into the fetal position on the couch, softly whimpering to himself or occasionally screaming like a mountain lion in heat.”
“You put acid in the coffee.” Says the Doctor. “Didn’t you drink it too?”
“C’mon now Doc, do I look like I just fell off of the turnip truck?” I ask him. “That’s the first rule in “The Poisoner’s Handbook” you put the poison, or in this case, the LSD in the victims cup, that’s basic shit man.”
“The Poisoners Handbook?!?!”
“Yeah, it’s an from the mid 1800’s.” I inform him. “I only have it because this white slaver I know named Savage Henry also sometimes deals in obscure books from the th the 19th century. If you want a first printing of Aliester Crowley’s “Diary of a Dope Fiend” Savage Henry can get it for you, he also dabbles in guns and precious metals, but ’s beside the point.”
“Wait, What?” Says the Doctor somewhat flustered.
“Never mind Doc, just try and keep with here will you.”
“Now hold on here a moment, are you saying you know somebody who traffics in human beings?!?!”
“Well, inadvertently I suppose so.” I reply. “I never claimed to condone his actions, I merely said if you were looking for some rare book on Black Masses, Bombmaking, or Palmistry then he could get it for you, Sweet Lucifer’s Halo Man aren’t you listening all?”
“Okay, okay, how about you just tell me why you’re here today then?”
“Finally!” I exclaim. “I thought we were going to be here all day, I you to take a look this bite on my ass to make sure it’s not going to go septic or something.”
“Somebody bit you on the ass?”
“Not just somebody, Atilla bit me on the ass!”
“Okay, Wait just a second, who’s Atilla now?!?!”
“He’s a Resis Monkey not a person.”
“A Resis Monkey?”
“Yeah, I left the cabinet drawer open getting the acid and mean little of a got into Jawbreaker’s speed stash. I think he might have eaten most of it because he’s been awake for a good three days now, for at least as long as Jawbreaker has been tripping out on my sofa.”
“My god.” Replies the Doctor.
“You ain’t shittin’ he’s been driving me crazy, finally I soaked a banana in a couple crushed up valiums and a bottle of cough syrup and tried to feed it to the mean little bastard, then when I turned around to get more valiums he latched onto my right ass cheek like a snapping turtle. I had to zap him twice with the cattle prod just to get him to let go of me!”
“A Cattle Prod!”
“Fuck yeah, why, do you know a better way to get a monkey on a three day tweek to let go of the death grip it’s got on your ass cheek before you inadvertently alert the neighbors with kind of bad racket?”
“Ummmmmm, you’re going to have to hold on a moment while I confer with my associates about your case.”
“Um, Okay Doc, sure, can I use your bathroom I’ve gotta piss like a race ?”
“Well, okay it’s two doors down, just go in your robe and right back to this room when you’re done.”
“You’re in charge here Doc, whatever you say!”
(We Now Return You the Present)
.......As I reach the truck I hear someone yell for me wait, stop even. I pop the lid on the truck box, grabbing the big army surplus first aid kit. I fumble with the latches burning precious seconds. Finally I get the lid open, spilling the contents out into the bed of the truck. I grab the sucking chest wound bandage, shake it open until the spare truck key falls out onto the pavement. As I bend over the sun begins to burn the bite mark on my ass. Damn it’s a nice day out I think as I hop into the truck, slide the key into the ignition and give it a crank, I turn around in time to see the Doctor, three nurses and two big fellows in white heading in my direction. One of the rough boys has a jacket for me in his hands, like the robe, it too ties in the back, he breaks into a run. As the big trucks engine roars to life. I slam it into reverse, smoking the tires as it jumps backwards nearly running over the big boy with the jacket.
“You’re Gonna Hafta Take Me!!!! You Ambulance Chasing Fuckheads!!!!” I scream out the window as I speed away laughing maniacally.
Now, too the point, can anyone refer me to a good general practitioner?
This last one didn’t work out so well.
Sinfully Yours backpocket
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“Five Years Gone”
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Posted:Mar 11, 2019 2:44 pm
Last Updated:Mar 22, 2019 4:00 pm
4710 Views
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“I prefer cats to dogs because police cats don’t exist.”
~ Jean Cocteau ~
Greetings and Salutations to all of you my Devils and Debutantes out there that made it through the weekend in one piece, I say Welcome Back! If you’re like me, still trying to pick up the pieces of the weekend past so that you can put yourself back together, I say Good Work Indeed!
Monday’s are for starting out slowly, only to let the week build up steam enough to work it’s way up to the crescendo that is Friday night in all of its depraved majesty before exploding into a ball of flame sometime in the wee hours of Sunday morning so that on the seventh day I can rest before being born anew again crying like a baby on the bathroom floor of Monday morning.
Oh shit, there I go again off on one of my bouts of gibberish.
Did any of that first paragraph even make any sense?
Great Satan’s Pitchfork!
Ahhh Well, it’s best not to think too hard on these things.
Especially not on a Monday. So, before I forget why I’m here I’ll get back to the point of this whole thing.
Way back when I first started blogging on here I adopted a little black ball of fuzz from the animal shelter and named her Loki after the Norse God of Mischief. Since that very first day, she’s been nothing short of a guiding light in my sometimes dark and crazy world.
Going so far as to live up to her name with her wildly erratic behavior and late night runs around the house for no good reason at all.
Oh wait a second, that’s me, not her, she sleeps on the bed all night like one of The Great Pumpkin’s perfect little creatures.
Irregardless, in the last five years my cute little Loki has grown into a sixteen pound cannon ball who never passes up the chance to bitch slap my buddy Jawbreaker’s pet Resis Monkey Atilla.
Since I’ve been gone Jawbreaker managed to regain custody of Atilla, but has lost the love of his life (Or so the big dumb ass knuckle dragging, window licking lout believes.) the half Columbian half Mexican ex stripper named Skittles.
I have sources in Interpol that have told me that good old Skittles became a nun, joined a monastery somewhere in the hills of Spain and converted all of the other nuns over to her nyphomanic nature.
Since then she’s apparently enlisted as a nurse in The French Foreign Legion And has disappeared into the desserts of Africa.
Alright, alright already, there I go again, completely off the rails.
That being said, here’s a picture of Loki and I then, and Loki and I now.
Don’t they just grow up so fast!
Sinfully Yours backpocket13
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“Saturday Morning Coming Down”
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Posted:Mar 9, 2019 9:06 am
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2019 4:10 pm
3976 Views
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“When you’re drunk in the alley baby with your clothes all torn and your late night friends all leave you for the cold gray dawn.”
“Shine a Light” Mick and Kieth
Good Morning to all of you early risers, the weekend is finally here. I myself was out a good part of last night running around wearing a Halloween mask of the Japanese Emperor Hirohito, a leather jock strap and black socks, snarling and barking at the moon like some mad bastard gone crazy on cheap biker speed, committing felonious acts of indecency against the community at large. Ahhhh, and that’s only what I can remember, But two half sticks of dynamite are missing from the kitchen cabinet and my ears are ringing so who the hell can say for certain? I seem to remember Jawbreaker being here at some point waving around that big hunting knife of his threatening to cut my ears off for some reason, you know the knife? Yes, that one, the one with the handle carved from the shin bone of a honey badger.
Whether he was here or not matters little because that evil bastard is long gone now, but as I look out the front window I can see the tire tracks on my front lawn where his big old Cadillac tore up the grass whenever it was that he made his getaway. Either way, that makes tonight Saturday night, which means I get another chance to get it right. What was that you said? Why yes, that’s an excellent idea, I think I will, just let me go find my favorite hash pipe and we’ll get down to it, I’ll be right back.........
Sinfully Yours backpocket13
Post Script, It would seem that there’s a glitch in the machinery around here, since I’ve been back “The Sinners Club” has been disappearing And reappearing at its own free will, or depending on the phase of the moon or some such happy shit, so please forgive me if I disappear on you, take assurance in the fact that eventually I’ll end up right back here where you left me.
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“The Devil You Know.”
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Posted:Mar 8, 2019 10:30 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2019 7:01 am
3795 Views
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Greetings and Salutations my beautifully gorgeous creatures of the night, it’s been awhile since we last talked. Almost a handful of years now that I think on it. As my Grandmother used to say, “Time flies when you’re on the run.” and if you think I’m bad, well good old Grandmother’s life read like a screed on human treachery and morally bankrupt episodes punctuated by frequent trips to jail or the asylum. Irregardless I digress, not much has changed in the last few years my life is still a maelstrom of chaos and mayhem, and I’d have it no other way. So Welcome back to “The Sinners Club” everybody, as you know, all are welcome here, we turn nobody. Now pull up a chair and let’s have a puff of some of this exceptional smoke that my friend Jawbreaker got and we’ll sit for a bit and maybe talk for that soul of yours. Name your price, and I’ll give you half.
Sinfully Yours backpocket
President; The Sinners Club
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To link to this blog (backpocket13) use [blog backpocket13] in your messages.
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