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Where No One Wants To Go 12/17/2010
Sometimes my adventures will take me, where no one wants to go. With people who seem to trust me, for reasons I just dont know.
So when things start to happen, and the insanity starts to unfold. I pray that those who are with me, stay safe, so the story is told.
For I care not for my own safety, nor the health or state of my mind. Cause the lessons I must learn there, are not of ...
1 Comments, 60 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Microsoft Christmas (1) 12/16/2010
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through
the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's
mouse. The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last minute Internet shopping. The stockings
were hung by the modem with care In hope that St. Nicholas
would bring new software. The were nestled all
snug in their beds, While visions of computer games ...
1 Comments, 15 Views,
0 Votes
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dawn 12/13/2010
There was a young lady called Dawn
Who wished she had never been born.
She wouldn't have been
If her father had seen
That the end of his rubber was torn.
1 Comments, 10 Views,
0 Votes
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the pirate yates 12/13/2010
Once a pirate named Yates Danced the jig for all of his mates He slipped in his cutlas, And made himself nutless, And now he's quite useless on dates.
1 Comments, 13 Views,
0 Votes
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medical marvels of modern mamogram 12/13/2010
For years and years they told me, "Be careful of your
breasts." Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, and give them monthly
tests.
So, I heeded all their warnings.....and protected them
by law.... Guarded them very carefully, and always wore a bra.
After 10 years of careful care, the doctor found a lump.
He ordered up a mammogram to look inside that clump.
"Stand up very ...
1 Comments, 9 Views,
0 Votes
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two roosters 12/13/2010
Two roosters in one of our pens Found their pricks were no larger than wens. As they looked at their foreskins And wished they had more skins, They discovered they'd both become hens.
1 Comments, 12 Views,
0 Votes
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the act 12/13/2010
A young trapeze artist named Bract, Is faced by a very sad fact. Imagine his pain, When again and again, He catches his wife in the act.
1 Comments, 10 Views,
0 Votes
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quarter of three 12/13/2010
Comming home at a quarter of three I caught my wife cheating on me I raged, "Who's this fink?" She cried with a wink "I don't know, It's a new one on me."
1 Comments, 38 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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young lad from boston 12/13/2010
There was a young man from south Boston Who's car was a small compact Austin. There was just room inside For his hair and his hide, But his balls still hung out, so he lost 'em
1 Comments, 9 Views,
0 Votes
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lancelot 12/13/2010
There was a young fellow named Lancelot Whom his neighbors all looked on askance a lot. Whenever he'd pass A presentable lass, The front of his pants would advance a lot.
1 Comments, 7 Views,
0 Votes
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cleopatra....queen of de nial 12/13/2010
Cleopatra while helping to pump Ground out such a furious bump, That Antony's dick Snapped off like a stick And left him to pump with a stump.
1 Comments, 8 Views,
0 Votes
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anna banana 12/13/2010
There was a young gal from Montana Who had an affair with a banana. She hugged it and squeezed it, Loved it and teased it, and said "It tastes better than a mana."
1 Comments, 12 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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sin of lynn 12/13/2010
A lovely young virgin named Lynn Once said about fucking, "It's sin." But a fellow named Tang, With a twenty-inch wang, Made her cry to the heavens, "It's in!"
1 Comments, 8 Views,
1 Votes
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cajun chef 12/13/2010
A Cajun gourmet named LaSalle, Is the chef at dat place on Canal. He put lotta spice On your red beans an' rice, And make lightnin' shoot outta your bowel
1 Comments, 12 Views,
0 Votes
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happy thanksgiving 12/13/2010
He laid her on the table So white clean and bare. His forehead wet with beads of sweat He rubbed her here and there. He touched her neck and then her breast And then drooling felt her thigh. The slit was wet and all was set, He gave a joyous cry. The hole was wide... he looked inside All was dark and murky. He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
And then he stuffed the turkey.
1 Comments, 15 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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outhouse limerics??? 12/13/2010
Some come here to sit and think, Some come here to shit and stink, But I come here to scratch my balls, And read the bullshit on the walls...
1 Comments, 10 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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beer prayer 12/13/2010
Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillage, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager.
1 Comments, 7 Views,
0 Votes
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whiskey river 12/13/2010
If the river was made of whiskey, And I a diving duck, I'd swim down to the bottom, And drink myself back up.
2 Comments, 37 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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me lady of arden 12/13/2010
There was a young lady of Arden, who sucked off a man in a garden He said, "My dear Flo, Where does that stuff go?" she said, "(swallow hard)-- I beg pardon?"
2 Comments, 16 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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the kiss 12/13/2010
roses are red violets are corney when i think of you oh baby i ged horney eat me beat me bite me blow me suck me fuck me very slowly if you kiss me dont be sassy you your tongue and make is nasty
1 Comments, 14 Views,
0 Votes
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ode to a pirate 12/13/2010
Once a pirate named Yates Danced the jig for all of his mates He slipped in his cutlas, And made himself nutless, And now he's quite useless on dates
1 Comments, 8 Views,
0 Votes
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marvin 12/13/2010
There once was wee lad called Marvin Who thought his big dick was for carvin' He tried to cut slices Of "Turkey with spices" And left all his dining guests starvin'.
1 Comments, 6 Views,
0 Votes
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valerie 12/13/2010
There was a young lady called Valerie Who started to count every calory Said her boss in disgust: "If you lose half your bust You'll be worth only half of your salary!"
1 Comments, 15 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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THE BATHER 12/13/2010
A bather whose clothing was strewed By breezes that left her quite nude, Saw a man come along, And, unless I am wrong, You expected this line to be lewd.
1 Comments, 12 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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a new one 12/13/2010
Comming home at a quarter of three I caught my wife cheating on me I raged, "Who's this fink?" She cried with a wink "I don't know, It's a new one on me."
1 Comments, 30 Views,
0 Votes
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sir lancelot 12/13/2010
There was a young fellow named Lancelot Whom his neighbors all looked on askance a lot. Whenever he'd pass A presentable lass, The front of his pants would advance a lot.
1 Comments, 10 Views,
0 Votes
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The Penis Poem ! 12/12/2010
My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job,
To find the fuckin' thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single ...
3 Comments, 36 Views,
11 Votes
,2.79 Score
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How life is ! 12/3/2010
Another year has passed, And we're all a little older. Last summer felt hotter, And winter seems much colder.
There was a time not long ago, When life was quite a blast. Now I fully understand, About 'Living in the Past'
We used to go to weddings, Football games and lunches. Now we go to funeral homes, And after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers, From ...
3 Comments, 38 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Whispered Ecstasy 11/25/2010
They held her hands as they laid her down
Their eyes were the light and darkness the sound
In which she let her mind wander to a time way back when
They first met on the system, but that was then
And this is now and lying here she wondered how
It would all end so she opened her eyes
They were smiling at her and she realized
They had class and distiction, not quite like the rest ...
1 Comments, 80 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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X mass morning 11/24/2010
'Twas the morning of Christmas: all hell had broke
loose Little Tommy was bawling and screaming abuse The stockings were flung cross the room with great force
That bastard St. Nick'las had screwed up.of course!
The iPod expected was not to be found The Xbox 360? 'Twas nowhere around A present lay open, but he couldn't look For it was (Tommy dry-heaved)A DUMB FREAKIN' BOOK!
With ...
1 Comments, 20 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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