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Welcum to the Mosh pit! While in The Pit, you will hear the metal that pumps thru my veins, it permeates this blog and is all around you. Ear plugs are provided if you choose not to hear, but I hope you will listen for the music IS the essence of me. This blog is based on my opinion and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of anyone else in this universe or any other. And I have an opinion about EVERYTHING. If you don't like it, that's too damn bad. If you do appreciate my words and my music, thank you. Feel free to leave your two cents, it is always appreciated, in my opinion! My current favorite songs:Paralyzer by Finger ElevenRock and Roll by Sebastian BachBlack #1 by Type O Negative Lie by Savage JackLove Kills by the Vinny Vincent InvasionBrutal Pla net by Alice CooperReleasing The Demons by GodsmackThe following posts were made during the scariest time of my life. I'm still terrified but thanks to God and alot of love from everyone here in Blogland, all is well and will remain so, Thanks SO MUCH to everyone!!! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!! PLEASE PRAY FOR MY LITTLE BOY The Second MRI was GOOD newsUPDATE The results of the second opinion
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Does it ever end????
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Posted:Jan 9, 2008 6:16 am
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2008 6:15 am
10150 Views
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The shit pile just keeps growing & growing....
Lil' Metal is doing fine, I'll begin with that.
It's everything else that severely bites ass.
The helicopter ride was not covered by insurance.
After a week of being on meds I still don't feel back at 100% yet from having a bad case of strep.
I can't sleep and when I do it's full of nightmares.
There is something else pretty major that I won't get into that IS NOT FUCKING HELPING MY MOOD AT FUCKING ALL. Un-necessary stress that could be prevented but nobody is making the effort to do so.
Somethings gotta give!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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Nikki Sixx: The Heroin Diaries
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Posted:Jan 7, 2008 5:30 pm
Last Updated:Jan 10, 2008 11:54 am
10282 Views
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Sorceror07 was kind enough to get The Heroin Diaries for me this Christmas. I started reading it and could not put it down! I was done reading it in two days 
I have read many, many books and I must say that this book has officially taken over the spot of the best book I've ever read, hands down. I think I'll read it again 
I highly recommend this book 
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Right now, I'd KILL for:
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Posted:Jan 5, 2008 3:05 pm
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2008 6:16 am
10841 Views
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Right now, I would KILL for an hour long foot rub, with hot oil 
I worked my little ass off in the hair studio today and I'm totally feeling it! I've had strep throat since last year and today was my first day back at work, apparently my missed me! 
They just kept coming and coming and coming...
I guess they came to the right place, ALOT of that goes on around here 
And there is nobody here to rub my feet 
My man is off in the recording studio recording the first demo CD with Silence Bleeds so I've got this huge house all to myself
What ever shall I do???
hehehehe!
~~evil grin~~
(BTW, my little guy is doing great!!! No symptoms at all and he built a car for the upcoming Pinewood Derby race next weekend! He's very excited about that!)
Answer this question, if you will:
Right now, I'd KILL for:
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Can you see my posts?
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Posted:Jan 4, 2008 7:28 am
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2008 6:16 am
10727 Views
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In my last post I had the settings screwed up but I thought I fixed it. It seems that some still cant see the post 
Can you see my last post???
Here it is for those who missed it:
I'm so tired, so I'll cheat & copy paste this from the other blog in my other space:
Lil' Metalhead had his second MRI the day after Christmas and thankfully the news was much better. His tumor has shrunk slightly and has not bled since that first day
~~knocks on wood, bruising her forehead~~
The head of Neurosurgery is confident that he can lead a perfectly normal, long, healthy life. He said it won't go away on it's own and anything can still happen at any time, we must always monitor him for symptoms. He also said that he's seem a million of these turn out perfectly and that he would see us back in a year!!!
I'm so happy I could get stone cold drunk in celebration, but I won't. Those days are pretty much over for me...at least until the weekend of TMT's Metalfest next summer... (another blog for another day)
Once again a big fat THANK YOU to all of my AWESOME family and friends who were there for me with kind words and encouragement, to Zabian for listening to me cry for hours, to my ex, even though you probably will never see this, thank you for being so strong and understanding how this felt on a level that nobody else on this Earth could possibly relate to, to Doc (a.k.a Sorceror07 )for taking such good care of me and for your unwaivering support, to everyone at 04j.com for all you did, to all the Doctors, nurses, EMT's, helicopter pilots, staff and everyone at Bassett Healthcare and Upstate Medical Center and to all the amazing people who work in the healthcare industry all over the world, you people all deserve a raise!!! A big thank you to Sebastian for releasing Angel Down when I needed it the most and to Nikki Sixx for The Heroin Diaries, perhaps the best book I've ever read. I love all of you
And to my "friends" who didn't even so much as say a word to me thru the hardest time of my life, I forgive you because I know that selfish, uncaring assholes can't help but be self centered. So fuck you.
There, I'm over it now, let the happiness flow.....
Happy 2008 everyone!!!
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The Second MRI was GOOD news!!!
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Posted:Dec 30, 2007 6:03 pm
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2008 6:17 am
20501 Views
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I'm so tired, so I'll cheat & copy paste this from the other blog in my other space:
Lil' Metalhead had his second MRI the day after Christmas and thankfully the news was much better. His tumor has shrunk slightly and has not bled since that first day 
~~knocks on wood, bruising her forehead~~
The head of Neurosurgery is confident that he can lead a perfectly normal, long, healthy life. He said it won't go away on it's own and anything can still happen at any time, we must always monitor him for symptoms. He also said that he's seem a million of these turn out perfectly and that he would see us back in a year!!! 
I'm so happy I could get stone cold drunk in celebration, but I won't. Those days are pretty much over for me...at least until the weekend of TMT's Metalfest next summer... (another blog for another day) 
Once again a big fat THANK YOU to all of my AWESOME family and friends who were there for me with kind words and encouragement, to Zabian for listening to me cry for hours, to my ex, even though you probably will never see this, thank you for being so strong and understanding how this felt on a level that nobody else on this Earth could possibly relate to, to Doc (a.k.a Sorceror07 )for taking such good care of me and for your unwaivering support, to everyone at 04j.com for all you did, to all the Doctors, nurses, EMT's, helicopter pilots, staff and everyone at Bassett Healthcare and Upstate Medical Center and to all the amazing people who work in the healthcare industry all over the world, you people all deserve a raise!!! A big thank you to Sebastian for releasing Angel Down when I needed it the most and to Nikki Sixx for The Heroin Diaries, perhaps the best book I've ever read. I love all of you
And to my "friends" who didn't even so much as say a word to me thru the hardest time of my life, I forgive you because I know that selfish, uncaring assholes can't help but be self centered. So fuck you. 
There, I'm over it now, let the happiness flow.....
Happy 2008 everyone!!!
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Another MRI for my little guy....
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Posted:Dec 26, 2007 3:12 pm
Last Updated:Dec 29, 2007 6:34 am
12207 Views
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We got our second MRI this afternoon. My sweet boy is so amazing, he sat perfectly still for 20 minutes while they scanned his brain. He didn't even flinch when they injected the dye
I'm so proud of this , you have no idea how much I love him!!! He is absolutely everything to me. He is so smart, respectful, thoughtful and damn good looking! I wish I could post a picture here for you to see. He won a beautiful baby contest when he was just a year. He has eyelashes that go on forever, women are always commenting on his beautiful eyes
I'm so lucky that he is my
We get the results this Friday, keep your fingers crossed!!!
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A Christmas prayer for my
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Posted:Dec 22, 2007 4:50 pm
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2007 6:04 pm
13016 Views
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My wonderful, sweet boy, this is for you, straight from my heart
My love,
My heart,
My soul,
My
Every day when I rise
I say a little prayer for you.
That you may stay
safe in His hands,
healthy and strong
forever and always.
You have changed my life
sweet little boy,
my sun rises and sets
on your radiant smile.
There is no other on Earth
whom I love more
completely,
totally,
desperately,
perfectly.
May you be healthy and live a long, happy life.
May you always be the best person you can be.
May you find true love and be totally fulfilled.
May you succeed in all that you wish to do.
May you always be strong in both body and spirit.
May you always see the beauty that surrounds you.
May you feel about your how I feel about you.
May you always be happy and laugh every day.
May every Christmas be better than the last.
May you be healthy and live a long, happy life.
May you be healthy and live a long, happy life.
May you be healthy and live a long, happy life.
May you feel how much I love you, my sweet boy
"Welcome Christmas, bring your cheer,
Cheer to all Whos far and near.
Christmas day is in our grasp,
so long as we have hands to clasp.
Christmas day will ALWAYS be,
just as long as WE have WE.
Welcome Christmas while we stand
heart to heart and hand in hand
Merry Christmas Blogland!
Raising my glass to toast for a wonderful, happy and healthy 2008 for my , for you, for all Whos far and near. My love to you all
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THANK YOU BLOGLAND!!! You made me cry....
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Posted:Dec 18, 2007 9:53 am
Last Updated:Dec 27, 2007 7:01 am
16369 Views
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Once again I cannot begin to thank you enough for all of your prayers, thoughts, well wishes and everything that you have done for us. I have read every single response and the outpouring of support from this community is amazing. I don't know what to say other than to tell you guys that I LOVE every single one of you whether you are a close friend or a stranger to me, I LOVE YOU!!!
Thank you
An update:
Lil' Metal is doing very well, I'm happy to report. He hasn't had a single headache or any other symptom since the day he was rushed to the Hospital. He knows what is going on and he knows what to do if he gets any symptoms. He is scheduled for his next MRI the day after Christmas. He will be seeing the head Neurosurgeon of Upstate Medical Center as his primary care giver from this point on. I have not met the man yet, he was out of town when this all first happened. So I have a loooong list of things to go over with him.
I'm doing my research on Cavernous Hemangiomas and have learned quite a bit. I'm also looking into St. Jude's 's Hospital, Johns Hopkins, and a place in Cleveland, I don't recall the name at the moment....thank heavens for the favorites button.
I'm hanging in there. I won't lie to you, I've had some very scary scenarios going through my brain. I still do. I won't get into that but the point is that with each passing day I'm gaining perspective. I'm worried beyond belief but I'm trying very hard not to let it rule my life.
My night terrors have returned, but not often thankfully. They had pretty much went away altogether when my man and I moved in together full time. It does affect my sleep but I try to put it out of my head when I get up. I keep telling myself that things could be worse.
And it could be.
But it WONT be.
Not with this many people on our side
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Thank you SO MUCH for your prayers!!!
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Posted:Dec 10, 2007 6:30 am
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2007 6:05 pm
15640 Views
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Thank you everyone for your prayers and well wishes and links to my post from your blogs. The response is amazing and tears stream down my face as I read each response. Every single one of your words touch my soul and give me strength
I must add that this condition could go away on it's own or never cause a problem again. That is the best case scenario that we are all praying for. It just can't go the other way, I refuse to lose my boy, that's all there is to it.
I'm trying so hard to stay positive, to not dwell on this, to be strong. To be honest I am a regular basket case and I feel like I need some help. I'm going to see today what I can do about that. My needs me by his side and strong.
Thank you all again so very much and I appreciate you keeping us in your thoughts and prayers
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PLEASE PRAY FOR MY LITTLE BOY!!!
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Posted:Dec 9, 2007 6:33 am
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2013 2:33 am
49219 Views
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On Thursday my Lil' Metalhead had a CAT Scan and they found "something" on his brain that they told me could be a tumor and they said it looked like he had bleeding on his brain. They told me that it was VERY serious and that they had a helicopter en route to rush him to Upstate Medical Center in Syracuse NY. 
He had been suffering from pounding headaches on and off for about 4 days and I mentioned this fact to an Allergy & Asthma specialist that I took him to last Wednesday. He didn't think it was related to what he was seeing my boy for and recommended the Cat scan.
When the scan came back I KNEW it was bad. My 's Pediatrician was in tears as she tried to tell me the news. I was crying so hysterically that I barely heard what she said. All I heard were the words TUMOR, BLEEDING, BRAIN, SERIOUS, HELICOPTER, UPSTATE and NOW.
I had to call my ex at work. The sound of him wailing out loud in pain as he cried is still in my head and I hope it goes away soon. I've never heard anything like that and I now realize that is probably exactly what I sounded like.
I wanted to tell my boy what was happening, I thought he would be less freaked out hearing it from me. And considering that he suffers from a mild case of Autism, I know the proper way to speak to him at his level. So I made it like an adventure, I told him that the two of us would be riding in an ambulance to the airport where he would then go in a helicopter to a different hospital so they could try to fix his headaches. The hardest part was letting go of his hand when it was time to go in the chopper
My sister drove my ex and I to Upstate and let me tell you, that drive is only an hour from us but it felt like 3 days! When we got there my boy was in the ER hooked up to an IV and every monitor you could imagine. He was watching cartoons and was full of smiles!. He thought the helicopter ride was, and I quote, "The most awesome thing ever!"
The Neurosurgeons recommended a MRI to get a better view of what was going on. We got there around 5 pm and finally got the results around midnight. The waiting was SOOOOOOO hard and extremely stressful.
My has a Cavernous Hemangioma on his brain stem. What this means is he has some "deformed" blood vessels that were oozing blood. It has been described as a benign tumor by some Doctors and others described it as not a tumor but as a bunch of blood vessels. There is a small chance that it could just stop "doing it's thing" on it's own. It could bleed or hemorrhage but there is only about a 1% chance of that per year, thankfully. The problem is that it could grow and become very serious. There is no way to predict it so they could not give us a percent for that. The major problem is the location of it. It is located on an area of the brain stem where surgery is next to impossible. Surgery would be extremely dangerous and would only happen as a last resort, IF it could be done at all.
So what it boils down to is that nothing can be done at this point.
We came home from the hospital last night with the instructions to monitor him for any changes and get him to the ER right away if we notice anything. He will have to have regular MRI's to monitor it, the next one is a month from now.
All we can do is pray that it goes away.
PLEASE pray for my !!!! He is my life and it would mean nothing without him
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74
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(Page:)
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I NEED SOME KINK!!!!
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Posted:Dec 3, 2007 7:35 am
Last Updated:Dec 26, 2007 3:13 pm
15960 Views
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I'm suffering from lack of kink syndrome!!!
And I sure could use some help!
Since my man has been to sick to move these days (yes, he's REALLY enjoying his first winter in Upstate NY! Sad part is that he hasn't seen NOTHING yet! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!)
I need YOU to help me!
So tell me now and tell me true, what exactly will you do?
Don't hold back words, don't worry about that, man I sound like The Cat in the Hat!
Here I am, ready and waiting
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To link to this blog (rm_metalmama69) use [blog rm_metalmama69] in your messages.
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