BY EMILY SEX JULY 10, 2014 THE INTIMATE ONE NIGHT STAND
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Posted:Oct 1, 2014 5:20 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2024 10:31 am
6317 Views
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One night stands have a pretty terrible reputation. You imagine the stumbling awkwardness of two strangers coming together after a long night of appletini’s and shared misery. The sex is “meh” at best and leaves both parties feeling disappointed at best, and downright shitty at worst.
But I don’t think it has to be this way. I have over the past few months started to open myself up to the possibility that good sex, or a good connection can happen between two people who don’t necessarily intend on spending the rest of their lives together. As we get older, we tend to reserve our best moves and most intimate feelings exclusively for people who we are in a relationship with. This sounds great in theory, but in practice it means we can go for months without connecting sexually to someone. That sucks! It also makes finding a partner more and more of a lifelong mission and we slip into the “destiny mentality” that there is our One love out there, our Soulmate… which as you know, is bullshit.
Instead of rushing from relationship to mediocre relationship in order to connect sexually and intimately with someone, it feels absolutely mindblowing to create that connection with someone who you have no intentions of moving in with or having babies with. A person who treats you with respect and love and kindness can do so for the rest of your life, or for the rest of the afternoon. Either way, it’s important to invite these people into your life and make the most of the time you have together.
Sounds idyllic, right?
But how exactly do you connect with someone and also let them go at the end of the day? That feels counterintuitive (but it really isn’t).
The practice of inviting love, intimacy and a super-hot lover into your life, and then loving that person completely as you let them go on their way. This creates a constant flow of love in your life. And it feels freaking amazing. You breathe love, you move in love, and people can feel that shit!
This means when you meet someone who you DO want to spend the rest of your week, year, or life with, you are already in a place where it is easy for you to love. You don’t have to remember how it feels, or get out of your selfish lifestyle in order to drag yourself back to a place where you can show love. Instead, you’re living in the love already! It’s so easy to invite someone into that amazing space. But intimacy isn’t something you think about or talk about – it’s something you do. And instead of spending a year going through a self-inflicted dry spell, consider practicing intimacy, one One Night Stand at a time.
Ok, now for the logistics:
Because this all sounds pretty fluffy and amazing, but reality is a little harder to wrap your brain around. Here are a few of the things I do to make sure the intimate One Night Stand works for me, my partner and my life.
Be safe
Nuff said.
Talk about what really matters
It is easy to create intimacy through shared experience, and if you’ve only got 45 minutes, the next best thing is shared knowledge. Knowing where someone went to high school, what the name of their pets are, whether their parents are boat people or motorcycle people; these insights are great for building longterm relationships but completely unnecessary in an intimate One Night Stand. And under no circumstances should you talk about your past relationships. period. These details can be counterproductive, since it might give you a reason to follow up on mundane details of someone’s life after you’ve agreed to go separate ways. It’s a tempting string to pull on when you feel lonely, but that’s not a healthy way to rekindle a relationship that was meant to end. Instead of listing the details of your life, concentrate on telling great stories. Talk about your passions, dreams and things that make you laugh so hard you snort just a little. You’ve only got 45 minutes, make it hilarious!
Acknowledge how vulnerable you both are
It’s important to acknowledge your feelings. Admitting that you feel a little scared or excited can make asking for what you need more comfortable. Women in particular, tend to put on a strong and sexy facade as a part of their “femme fatale” seduction process. This facade comes with communication barriers and sometimes the false sense of having no boundaries. You need those boundaries! and you need to make them incredibly clear. But vulnerability is not weakness, vulnerability is a huge turn on, and when you find someone who can communicate their insecurities and raw feelings, ding ding ding! you’ve found the perfect match for an intimate one nighter.
Don’t make it more than it is
I once had the most amazing One Night Stand. Unfortunately, it lasted 14 months. We both felt such a connection that it was hard to accept that it would only happen this one (or 12) times. We both agreed, that the feeling was so strong and so soul-merging that we should definitely be together, despite the fact that we lived 3000 miles apart and were terribly incompatible partners. whoops. lesson learned. Don’t feel bad for walking away from something that felt great. You can always come back to a relationship that pulls at your heart over time, but don’t try to force something that was never intended to last more than a few nights. Maybe it turns into a Sorbet Relationship or just stays a one nighter. Accept it for exactly what it is.
Don’t get hung up on the resume
It’s easy to talk yourself out of a good time. He’s not your “type”, you only date people with PhDs, you need someone who understands art. For a one nighter? Really? Let it go snobby-mcsnobberpants!! Don’t let logic kill a great vibe. You aren’t taking them home to your parent’s place for Thanksgiving, you’re taking them to your apartment for a long and lusty night. Drop the pretensions and stereotypes and try something a little different. Intimate One Night Stands are the best way of testing some of your preconceived requirements for relationships. I mean, how is that list of “must-haves” working out for you? Maybe you’ve been looking for an academic who can keep up with your brilliance, but when you find an inspiring college dropout you find the real connection you’ve been looking for. Experiment!
Practice Letting Go
Wax on, wax off. That’s my basic theory on love. Every lover that I’ve brought into my life and then let go of, has made my heart bigger and bigger. I never get filled to capacity. This isn’t a tank of gas or a box of donuts that can only fit a dozen. (mmmm… donuts) Usually it’s the ones that I hang onto for too long that piss me off. When you practice letting love come into your life and easily out when it no longer makes sense, the stress of finding a lifelong partner melts away. We get so hyper-focused on finding The One, but maybe we should start looking for The One who can teach us to appreciate foreign films, The One who shows us how to change a car battery, The One who makes us listen to the B sides of The Kinks albums. Every lover has a purpose and can be loved and let go of. This is crucial for creating the space we need to invite in The One who sticks around in a partnership for most of our life.
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Five Questions about the Benefits of Prostate Massaging
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Posted:Aug 30, 2014 8:17 pm
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2015 7:52 am
6654 Views
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We live in a world where one must often sacrifice health for pleasure and vice-versa; for instance, if we want one six pack, we must forgo the other – that sort of thing.
In the rare instances where ultimate health and ultimate pleasure can be combined, you know we’re going to be all for it – even when they come together in seemingly unlikely ways.
In this case, the rare instance would be prostate stimulation through prostate massage – which, while being the key to some mind-blowing experiences, is also part of maintaining a man’s peak sensual health. When it comes to peak sensual health, men may be hesitant as far as their prostates are concerned, but the benefits speak for themselves.
Here are five questions about prostate massaging that any man might have on his mind:-
What exactly is my prostate?
The prostate is a walnut-sized, semen-storing gland located at the root of the penis, just below the bladder. When the prostate is massaged, stagnant semen is released and voila…your prostate is cleansed. When ignored, as is often the case, semen becomes stagnant in the prostate, creating a buildup of bacteria which can cause swelling.
So how will this benefit me?
Regularly prostate massage reduces the risk of prostatitis, prostate cancer, genital pain, symptoms of erectile dysfunction and frequent nighttime urination. In addition, it improves overall erectile function and increases seminal fluid and circulation. While the health benefits of regular prostate massage are long-lasting, you might be surprised at all the other positives in store.
But won’t it hurt?
When done properly, it’s the exact opposite. Many men experience intense, long-lasting, even multiple orgasms and intense ejaculation when their prostate is massaged. While many men focus solely on external pleasure points, male biology’s best kept sexual secret often gets left in the dark (or more colloquially referred to as a place ‘where the sun don’t shine’).
Wait…I will actually enjoy massaging my prostate?
Assuming you like mind-blowing sex: yes. It’s time for men to stop envying women for their ability to experience intense, long-lasting orgasms. The prostate (sometimes called the P-Spot) is the male version of the female G-spot, and when stimulated enables even more intense orgasms otherwise unattainable by the more standard penile friction.
Okay, you've got my attention. So how do I do it?
You can use a finger to massage your prostate, but first you need to find the prostate and manually stimulate it by repetitively moving your finger back and forth. This can be a little tricky, so to take the help of your hands (literally) or if you can buy..prostate massager is perfectly suited to the male form.
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How to Have Sensuous Sex
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Posted:Jul 27, 2014 4:34 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2024 10:31 am
6677 Views
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It’s natural to start getting bored of sex a few years down marriage.
But that’s no excuse to avoid having sex or finding little ways to recreate the sexual high of the younger years.
Read these tips on how to bring sensuousness back into the bedroom.
Compliments
Compliment your partner. Let them know that you like what they are doing to you. If your partner gives you a massage as he plays with your body and you like that, let him know. Or tell her how good it feels when she kisses you all over.
The Perfect Touch
A lot about making love is all about the touch. If you gently move your hands all over your partner’s body as the both of you lock lips, it would definitely get your partner’s senses tingling for more. Caress and kiss your partner’s face as you make love with each other.
Spend a lot of time kissing and caressing each other before you actually get into the act. Enjoy your bodies together, and make sure you run your fingers all over your partner even as you get ready for one of the best love making sessions you would have had in a long time.
Take a Bath Together
It’s been a hard day, and you just want to have a quick shower and kick back to unwind. Instead, have a bath together. Sit down in your bathtub, and just talk to each other. Relax in each other’s arms, and even before you know it, you would be teasing each other into bed as you towel each other off…
The Perfect Atmosphere
Pillows, candles, and music! Well, that’s pretty much all you would need to set the perfect atmosphere. Lay out clean bed sheets, and pile your extra pillows on the bed. Burn a CD of your favorite songs, preferably ones that can get both of you into the right mood. Light up a few candles. It’s really sensuous to make love while watching each other’s bodies in the soft candlelight.
Eye Contact
There’s something about eye contact that makes the moment you share together in bed all the more intimate. It makes you realize that there is just this one person in the whole world who can make you feel this way. It may feel a little awkward at first, but after a while the eye contact would create a connection that can heighten the pleasure of love making.
Cuddle after Play
Women already know it… some men, however, don’t realize how much it means to a woman when her partner stays awake to cuddle after making love. Guys, when you make love to a woman she feels closer to you, when it is over she likes to revel in how wonderful she feels, and does this by talking and snuggling up with you.
Undress Each Other
Instead of going to bed with nothing on, wear something hot so your partner can undress you. This might not help you create any sort of a dazzling display of intimacy but this would definitely slow the both of you down. It’s great to slip into bed in the buff or in your boxers and have a quickie once in a while, but this ruins the art of love making. Spend time exploring each other and don’t rush it in. Women love unbuttoning their man’s shirt just as much as men love seeing their woman in sizzling lingerie. Go all out and explore each other and take as long as you can with each other before you jump the bed!
It’s easy to forget the passion and lose the sexual attraction. Find your own little ways to keep the excitement alive. Use these tips on how to have sensuous sex and make a difference!
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9 reasons you should have sex everyday
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Posted:May 31, 2014 9:29 am
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2014 9:45 am
7111 Views
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If you thought that the only benefit of sex was, well, pleasure, here's some news for you. Making love is good for adults. And making love regularly is even better.
Not only does it help you sleep well, relieve stress and burn calories, there are also several other reasons why you need to have sex more often.
Improves cardiovascular health A recent study says that men who have sex more than twice a week, have a lesser risk of getting a heart attack, than men who had sex less than once a month.
Increases immunity Regular lovemaking increases the level of the immune-boosting antibody immunoglobulin A (IgA), which in turn makes your body stronger against illnesses like the common cold and fever.
Reduces stress Stressed out with work or family problems? Don't let it affect your performance in the bedroom. Not only will having sex improve your mood, but a study has also proven that folks, who indulge in regular bedroom activities can handle stress better and are happier people.
Relieves pain If you're using a headache as an excuse to not make love, stop doing that. Have sex instead, because, when you're about to have an orgasm, the level of the hormone oxytocin increases by five times. This endorphin actually reduces aches and pains.
Promotes longevity When one has an orgasm, a hormone called dehydroepiandrosterone is released. This improves immunity, repairs tissue and keeps the skin healthy. Men, who have at least two orgasms a week, live longer than men who have sex just once every few weeks.
Increases blood circulation Because your heart rate increases when you have sex, fresh blood is supplied to your organs and cells. While used blood is removed, the body also expels toxins and other materials that cause you to feel tired.
You sleep better The sleep that you get just after you've made love will be much more relaxed. Getting a good night's sleep will make you feel alert and overall healthy.
Improves overall fitness If you find going to the gym mundane or working out at home a task, here's another way to help you lose the flab and keep in shape. Regular sex will do wonders for your waistline. Half an hour of lovemaking burns more than 80 calories.
Increases levels of Oestrogen and testosterone In men, the hormone testosterone is what makes them more passionate in the sack. Not only will it make you feel way better in bed, but it also improves your muscles and bones, keeps your heart healthy and keeps a check on your cholesterol. In women, on the other hand, the hormone oestrogen protects them against heart disease and also determines a woman's body scent.
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Sex Talk: What is the Difference between Orgasm and Ejaculation?
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Posted:May 25, 2014 11:57 am
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2015 7:51 am
7359 Views
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Orgasm and ejaculation are both related, however orgasm is followed by ejaculation. The act of sexual climax and the ultimate sexual pleasure (mentally) is orgasm, while ejaculation is the result of an orgasm.
[B]Orgasm is the subtle rhythmic muscular contraction in the pelvic region and elsewhere, that releases accumulated sexual tension, and the mental sensation accompanying that experience.
As explained by Science, Ejaculation is the release of semen which can sometimes occur without an orgasm. It is a physical process which is the forceful release of semen from the penis.
Sometimes even women ejaculate, this is called female ejaculation. Women release large amounts of fluid while having sex or closer to the time of orgasm.
Remember
• A man can reach orgasm without ejaculating.
• He can have an erection without orgasm.
• An orgasm without an erection can happen in a wet dream.
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SMOOCHING MEANS BETTER SEX
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Posted:May 25, 2014 11:51 am
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2015 7:54 am
7304 Views
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Kissing Explained Scientifically
The lips are packed with nerve endings — 100 times more than the fingertips.
As a result, kissing kick-starts multiple mechanisms in the brain, releasing chemicals that lower stress and boost mood, says Researchers.
‘You’ll have much better sex if you kiss before intercourse,’ says Researchers.
It increases levels of the pleasure hormones and will make you a lot more receptive to what happens later.
‘That’s why loving sex can be more satisfying than a quickie — and that endorphin hit from Dramamine is especially important for women.’
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Married Sex - Making Lust last Part 3
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Posted:May 25, 2014 11:47 am
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2014 9:46 am
7168 Views
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Cozy is comfortable, but not sexy
To the extent that men and women become real to each other, they cease to be princes and princesses, gods and goddesses who inspire romantic fantasies or amorous worship. Since couples lucky enough to be emotionally genuine with each other share so many real moments, they need to pay special attention to creating magical ones because great sex requires magic. I'd never suggest that a couple trade their warm, safe home life for better sex. Why keep your distance just so you can make love with abandon? I believe you can have a close marriage and recapture a good sex life but only once you admit that reigniting romance takes creativity and a commitment of time and energy.
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Married Sex - Making Lust last Part 3
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Posted:May 25, 2014 11:46 am
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2014 3:21 am
7103 Views
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Cozy is comfortable, but not sexy
To the extent that men and women become real to each other, they cease to be princes and princesses, gods and goddesses who inspire romantic fantasies or amorous worship. Since couples lucky enough to be emotionally genuine with each other share so many real moments, they need to pay special attention to creating magical ones because great sex requires magic. I'd never suggest that a couple trade their warm, safe home life for better sex. Why keep your distance just so you can make love with abandon? I believe you can have a close marriage and recapture a good sex life but only once you admit that reigniting romance takes creativity and a commitment of time and energy.
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Married Sex - Making Lust last Part 2
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Posted:May 25, 2014 11:45 am
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2014 9:46 am
7186 Views
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Love is constant; passion needs recharging
No surprise: Everything in the universe eventually demagnetizes when left in proximity to something of the opposite charge. Magnets do, and men and women do too. Some people fall out of lust in seven days, never mind seven years or 17. Basic animal attraction is a force of nature that seems designed to make us mate or not mate for life. Relaxing in our marriages and freeing ourselves from the pressure of trying to impress our partners has a predictable outcome: Our partners are not impressed. The magnetic spell we once cast on them begins to lift.
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Married Sex - Making Lust last
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Posted:May 25, 2014 11:43 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2024 10:31 am
7179 Views
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People sometimes tell me they know a couple married 20 years whose sex life is still as good as it ever was. Here's what I tell them in return: "There are only three possibilities. One: This couple is lying. Two: They are telling the truth, because they didn't have good sex to begin with. Or three: Sex is all they really have together. They never connected emotionally."
I've drawn that conclusion by listening to the many dozens of husbands and wives I've counseled, almost all of whom have admitted that after 10 or 20 years of marriage, passion became elusive.
Sharing lives is different from sharing dinners and long walks and weekends away. When you were dating the man you ultimately married, you were both acting much of the time (consciously or not), putting your best feet forward in order to be attractive to each other.
When you were sick or had a bad headache, you probably pretended it was no big deal. So did he. Now when your stomach is upset, you feel free to tell him you're about to throw up.
When you had an argument with a close friend or your sister, you might have told him, "It really wasn't the best day, but it's getting better now that we're together." He might have smiled, taken your hand, and said, "Tell me what happened. I want to know." Now when he asks how your day was, you might just say, "Fine," and leave it at that. And he might be happy to leave it at that too.
Nobody would write that kind of dialogue into a romantic movie unless it was a sad or serious one. But that's how married people generally talk because no one can always act adoring or keep up an air of mystery while sharing the same space with his or her spouse, year after year. Here are the truths about sex, as I've learned from years of counseling, for most married couples:
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The Color Of Lust
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Posted:May 25, 2014 11:36 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2024 10:31 am
7183 Views
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You can break a penis
There are no bones in the penis, but it can, in fact, become "broken." Doctors refer to the injury as a "penile fracture," and it's every bit as harrowing as you'd imagine.
"[Penile fracture] is a severe form of bending injury to the erect penis that occurs when a membrane called the tunica albuginea tears," explains Hunter Wessells — chair of the urology department at the University of Washington School of Medicine. He continues:
The tunica albuginea surrounds the corpora cavernosa, specialized spongy tissue in the core of the penis that fills up with blood during an erection. When the tunica albuginea tears, the blood that is normally confined to this space leaks out into other tissues. You get bruising and swelling.
So how does a penis actually, you know, break? According to Wessels, any form of vigorous intercourse when the penis is rammed into a solid structure... "during sexual acrobatics," for instance.
"We had this patient who suffered penile fracture after running across the room and trying to penetrate his wife with a flying leap," he says.
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The Color Of Lust
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Posted:May 25, 2014 11:25 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2024 10:31 am
7137 Views
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You can break a penis
There are no bones in the penis, but it can, in fact, become "broken." Doctors refer to the injury as a "penile fracture," and it's every bit as harrowing as you'd imagine.
"[Penile fracture] is a severe form of bending injury to the erect penis that occurs when a membrane called the tunica albuginea tears," explains Hunter Wessells — chair of the urology department at the University of Washington School of Medicine. He continues:
The tunica albuginea surrounds the corpora cavernosa, specialized spongy tissue in the core of the penis that fills up with blood during an erection. When the tunica albuginea tears, the blood that is normally confined to this space leaks out into other tissues. You get bruising and swelling.
So how does a penis actually, you know, break? According to Wessels, any form of vigorous intercourse when the penis is rammed into a solid structure... "during sexual acrobatics," for instance.
"We had this patient who suffered penile fracture after running across the room and trying to penetrate his wife with a flying leap," he says.
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LUST
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Posted:May 25, 2014 11:17 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2024 10:31 am
7064 Views
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Lust
Lust is a battle for us all. Both men and women – have struggled with it for generations.
The church pianist arched her back and stretched her arms in preparation for the opening hymn. The man in front of me didn't miss one movement. His wife, painfully aware of the object of his gaze, jabbed him in the side; he shot back angrily, “I wasn't looking at anything.” His remark seemed well rehearsed, perhaps from countless other occasions of being caught stealing looks at attractive women. The couple’s hurt and anger betrayed the endless cycle of accusation, defense, guilt, effort, helplessness, and failure so often associated with struggles of lust.
Lust is a battle for us all. Both men and women – have struggled with it for generations. Many have measured their or others’ spirituality on the basis of their freedom from lust. Yet for all the interest focused on lust it would seem that we ought to be far more clear about the problem and its solution. What exactly is lust, why is it so hard to change, and how can we deal with its power to shape our lives?
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