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Hamburger is like Sex
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Posted:Apr 23, 2008 9:53 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2008 6:34 pm
4573 Views
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Got this from a friend of mine, thought it was to funny and wanted to share it here too.
Once again, it's time to do another comparison of food with sex. This time we compare sex with the all American hamburger. Just remember to hold the pickles.
1. A hamburger is like sex, some like it raw. However, this can be hazardous to your health.
2. A hamburger is like sex, some like it plain.
3. A hamburger is like sex, the more toppings the better. On the other hand, a couple revealing toppings would be nice too.
4. A hamburger is like sex, it just doesn't make it without the buns.
5. A hamburger is like sex, it's particularly best when it's warm and juicy.
6. A hamburger is like sex, it's best to have when it's fresh.
7. A hamburger is like sex, some like a nice, thick patty while others prefer it to be thin, and lean.
8. A hamburger is like sex, it's fun to spread the sauces around.
9. A hamburger is like sex, some like it with dressing while others prefer it without dressing.
10. A hamburger is like sex, sometimes one is just not enough.
11. A hamburger is like sex, some like to just take out an order.
12. A hamburger is like sex, it may taste delicious but can sometimes lead to an upset stomach.
13. A hamburger is like sex, it can be mouthwatering. Take a bite or two and savor the taste.
14. A hamburger is like sex, there are so many ways to prepare it.
15. A hamburger is like sex, it tastes better when accompanied by a drink.
16. A hamburger is like sex, spices can really add flavor to the beef.
17. A hamburger is like sex, it feels good to hold it in your hands.
18. A hamburger is like sex, some prefer it jumbo size. Be careful, this can go down very hard on you.
19. A hamburger is like sex, some like to have it flame broiled. Watch out that things do not get out of hand.
20. A hamburger is like sex, some prefer it with reduced fat while others like a high fat content.
       
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Pain...Saddness...Happiness
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Posted:Mar 29, 2008 9:47 pm
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2008 11:22 pm
4923 Views
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He went to her. Touching her face, running his finger down the side of her cheek. He could tell she had been crying and wondered why. But know she would never tell him. So, he just pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her. And didn't say anything.
He just held her like that until she pulled back. She look at him thinking that she was so lucky to have such a great friend. Then another thought came to her. A thought that heated her body which seemed so cold just a little while ago. She smiled at him. Knowing that he saw the change in her. He smiled back at her.
He grad her hand, pulling her off the the bedroom. Not having to pull to hard, she followed him. When they got to the room, there was no more gentleness. Which was alright with her. She didn't want him to be gentle with her. She wanted him to take fast and hard! And that is what he did!
They clawed at each other clothes. Almost ripping them off each other. When the clothes were off, she fall to her knees taking him into her mouth. Licking and sucking on his cock, that was as hard as she had ever felt it. But at this point she wanted to savor me, taste him. So, she continued, licking and sucking, thinking she could never get enough. But she wanted him inside her, pounding her. So, she stood up, kissing him and turning him around to push him on the bed. But no, he had other ideas. He pushed her to the bed. Started kissing down her neck. Biting as he went...taking one of her nipple into his mouth sucking and biting at it, then moving to the other giving it the same treatment. Then moving to her stomach, kissing his way down to hot wet pussy. Licking and sucking at her clit, until she was moaning with pure pleasure.
He came back up and for a moment he was not the animal that started this, but with a gentle touch. He kissed the frame of her face...the action almost making her want to cry, it was so sweet. But as she push him onto his back, that animal passion for both of them was back. She straddle him, taking him full into her. And for a minute she just sat there still watching him. He smiled at her. She started to move, slow at first, then faster. She felt her orgasm coming, moving faster bring it on faster and stronger. She wanted to scream but came out more of a loud moan. He smiled up at her and she kept moving. Wanting more of the same which seem to come really fast, another one. This time she was sure she did scream out in pleasure.
But now, he was pushing her off. She knew what he wanted and she glad went to her hands and knees as he position himself behind her. He pushed himself deep inside her! She knew he was ready for his orgasm, he always made sure she had hers, more then one most of the time. But now this was about him and she was ready for it. He slammed into which she loved. She could feel another one coming, hoping he didn't stop before it did. She moaned, oh my god as she came again and he did too. Both of them falling to the bed trying to catch their breath. She rolled over putting her head on his shoulder and fall asleep...
By Rosebud
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Sex Fun
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Posted:Mar 13, 2008 7:54 pm
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2008 1:20 am
4761 Views
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Timing is everything. To know when the timing is right is a good thing. Because waiting to long, letting to much time past is not a good thing at all. For Jessica timing was most important for other reasons. Trust reason, the that it was hard for her to trust anyone. But she knew the timing was right. Jessica trusted Tim.
Soon after she arrived she realized that Tim knew it too. She was hurting...her back was paining her. He had her lay on the bed and he started to massage her. But soon enough the massage seemed to turn into something else. She laid on her stomach as he moved his hand up and down her back. Sometime during this time her bra had gotten unhook. But then soon enough the shirt and bra were gone all together. Thrown to the floor somewhere. But he kept his hands on her back.
"Oh, that feels so good...hmmmmm." Jessica said
He smile and said, "So, you like this, I'm glad."
Jessica laid there enjoying for a while longer before she turned over to look up at him. She said, "Don't stop touching me." He smiled at her. First touching her face tracing the outside of her jaw. Then traveling down her neck as he leaned down to kiss her. Running his hands down her shoulders and then her arms. She moaned and he pulled back to look at her.
"Please, don't stop." She pleaded to him.
She watched as he moved his hand touch her breast. Circling around until he got to the nipple. Pinching her nipple with his thumb and forefinger. Slowly moving to the other one repeating the same process...she moaned again. Then he moved back to the other doing it again. He then leaned down sucking her nipple into his mouth. Sucking and flicking her nipple with his tongue. She moaned again pushing him closer to her. He went to the other one, repeating the attention he had show for the other one. Then moving down, kissing her stomach, then unbutton her pants. Pulling them and her underwear off her, throwing them to the floor. Running his hand back up her leg...find that sweet, very wet part of her. Using his tongue again, he went to work. She said, "Oh, my god."
Just when she did think it could get any better...he proved her wrong. Flicking her clit with his tongue, licking and sucking. She felt the orgams coming...feeling the build up. Thinking to herself that he has one hell of a tongue. He kept working on her until she was shacking from the aftermath of the orgams. He came up next to her, hold her as she regain herself.
After Jessica breathing returned to normal. She moved to kiss him. She striped him, saying to him at the same time, "Not fair that you are still dressed and I have not a thing on." He help her take off all his clothes, throwing them to the ground where her clothes were.
"So, not what do you plan to do to me? Now that you have me nake in front of you." Tim said smiling at her.
"Lay back and watch!" She said smiling.
Jessica kissed him again. Then moved down his neck. Kissing and nibble as she went. Founding his nipple and playing with it. Biting and licking and doing the same to the other one. Moving herself in between his legs, kissing is stomach, reaching out for his cock, rubbing it. She looked up to his face as she did this. Smiling at the look on his face. The pure enjoyment of what she was doing. But she was not done yet. Jessica lick around the top of his cock, hearing him moan pressed him on. She wrap her lips around his cock, sucking, licking. Up and down, up and down...hearing him moan she glance up. Seeing that look again, she lick around the top, sucking some more. After a while she stop. He looked at her and said, "Now what do you plan to do?"
She moved to where she was straddling him. He smiled at her and let her do what she was going to do. She lowed herself on to him. Feeling him feel her competely. She started moving slowly at first, feeling the frist orgams coming on. Then she left his nails run down her back and she moaned and said harder. She opened her eyes looking at him smiling. So, he dug his nails into her harder. She started moving faster, reaching her orgams with a loud moan, more like a scream. But she continued to move. Wanting to reach another orgams, which didn't take long. He seemed to be hitting her just right. Moving faster now, she could feel the herself ready to orgasms again. He had to know that she was there yet again, and pushed up as she came down going deep inside her. Which was enough to push her over the edge yet again.
"Let us try something else I like too." Jessica said to him. She moved off him. Getting on her hand and knees. He moved in fast. He wanted very badly to be back inside her. He love the way she felt, being inside her. He started out slow, but she was not having that. She slammed herself back into him. Putting him deep into her. She then said, "Please, fuck me hard."
That send a thrill right through him to hear her say that. He grabbed her hair, pulling her back into him. He heard her moan, yes!!! Slamming into her hard. Letting go of her hair, hold onto her hip. Dugging his nails into her. She moaned...yes again. He could no longer hold back he was going to cum. He slammed into her one last time. She said, "Oh my god." The only thing she could say. They fall to the bed, he pulled her close to him. They both fall asleep, both very satified at least for the moment...
By Rosebud
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Little Daniel
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Posted:Jan 14, 2008 8:11 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2008 6:42 pm
4803 Views
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Writtn by Little Daniel
I believe I am the first penis that came in contact with extraterrestrial life forms. I will tell you the whole story so you can understand what I’m talking about.
It all started about 4 months ago when a woman started seeing Daniel in regular basis. From the beginning I didn’t like that woman. There was something strange about her. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to get along with that woman and I was absolutely right. My first personal experience with that woman was dramatic.
That woman had some strange kind of influence on Daniel. I have the feeling she could control his mind. For example one night she made Daniel and I go out for a drink with her and later when we decided to return home she got Daniel to invite her over. I became worried at once. I had the feeling something was terribly wrong but I had no idea that the night would turn into a nightmare!
When she came home with us, the minute we entered the house she grabbed Daniel by the head and started sucking his lips. Daniel was in no condition to resist. I at once stood straight up as hard as I could to see what was going on. I could see Daniel’s eyes closed. He must have been unconscious. I tried as hard as I could to wake Daniel up, but it was obvious she was controlling his mind. But things were about to get worst.
After a while she was on the bed with Daniel. His eyes were still closed and that creature was sucking all over his body. I am positive that the creature was sucking out Daniel’s energy. What was that creature? A monster? A Dracula? An alien? I suspected it was probably an alien. An extraterrestrial life form. And it turned out I was absolutely right. As she kept sucking Daniel’s energy out of his body, she suddenly began taking his pants off. I was alerted! I was scared. It was only a few minutes until she would discover me. And that time came.
After taking his underwear off she saw me! I was terrified. She looked straight at me and said:
“Well, what do we have here? I want to get to know this fellow!” and at the same time she grabbed me in her hand! I started shouting:
“I AM LITTLE DANIEL. I live here on Earth! Please don’t hurt me. PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!”
But the alien was probably after my energy as well. After a few minutes I was inside the creature’s mouth. She began sucking me. I was standing hard trying to resist but she was sucking out all the energy I had. Then she let me go! I was out in the fresh air again. I began shouting as loud as I could:
“HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! DANIEL CAN YOU HEAR ME? SNAP OUT OF IT! WE ARE BEING ATTACKED BY ALIENS! HELP! NASA HELP!"
But Daniel could not hear me. I don’t know if he was still unconscious or dead. But the alien was after me this time. I think she wanted to abduct me and take me to another world. After a few minutes she was laying there in front of me and holding me in her hand. I was desperately crying for help! “HELP! HELP!” But I was on my own, helpless, unprotected, in the mercy of the extraterrestrial creature.
Then she started moving me towards her body. I don’t know how many legs this creature had, but I could see two of them in front of me and she started spreading those legs wide open. She began moving her body clockwise and made some strange noises:
“MM, M, OH OH, MMM, MM,OH, MMMMM”. I understood at once that she was making contact with her world in some strange code. Her body kept on moving and suddenly I saw a dark black hole in front of me. Everything was very clear to me now.
You know I am a well educated penis. I have read many books. I once read a book by Stephen Hawkins and he was explaining the black holes of the universe and how you can travel into a parallel universe through them. So I guess this was the situation right now.
I had an extraterrestrial being in front of me that was moving her body with weird movements while making strange code sounds and pulling me towards a dark black hole. It was obvious these were my last minutes on Earth. The last time I was breathing the fresh air of this planet. And then I was in the black hole. The creature was moving very fast now and the code was in another frequency: “MMMMMMMMMMMMMM OHHHHHHHHHH”!
I haven’t been so scared before in my life. I started crying. I began moving like crazy trying to escape. But it was useless. I was being sucked by the black hole! “GOOD BYE WORLD! THIS IS THE END!” I was so afraid that I puked and fainted.
The next thing I remember, I am with Daniel getting dressed. I looked around me like crazy but the alien was gone! I guess Daniel must have snapped out of his hypnosis right in time and saved me. I think he knew what happened, because as he was holding me in his hands, he looked at me and said:
“Well pal, it was quite out of this world last night, wasn’t it?!”
So everybody have in mind that we are not alone in this world. There are extraterrestrial beings among us that need our energy and want to abduct us and take us back to their part of the universe. We must warn everyone on Earth and inform NASA about the situation. Whenever you hear any sound “MMMM” or “OHHHHH” it’s an alien code. Take my advice and RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! We are in danger!
Little Daniel
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Position Open: Fuck Buddy
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Posted:Jan 14, 2008 6:36 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2008 6:43 pm
4922 Views
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Got this from a friend in a group we are in, thought it was great and wanted to post it here. Enjoy.
Position Open: Fuck Buddy
Start Date: Immediately
About The Employer: 5'8 Caucasian, sexy, bark hair, SINGE FEMALE, 33 years old
Due to the inconsistency and frustrating nature of the Modesto, Ca (ENTER YOUR OWN CITY) dating scene, the position of FUCK BUDDY is now open. All interested male applicants are encouraged to copy and paste the questionnaire below and submit their answers via email.
Compensation: Paid in orgasms and other related fulfillment. The more you work, the more you can earn!
Other Benefits: Giving me back rubs, laughs, 420, free beer
***********Begin Questionaire***********
Age:
Ethnicity:
Location:
Height:
Weight:
Hair Color:
Eye Color:
Please list your Fuck Buddy experience(s) below:
Please describe your genital grooming habits:
What is your availability (ie.. 1x per week, 2x per week...etc):
Please answer the following questions regarding ORAL SEX:
Do you enjoy giving blow-jobs?
Please describe your blow-job skills on a scale of 1 to 10:
Please complete the following % question:
When performing oral sex, I employ __% mouth , __% tongue , __% hand(s)
Do you enjoy receiving cunnilingus?:
Do you enjoy a '69'?
Please answer the following questions regarding VAGINAL SEX:
Please list the following positions in order of preference:
1) missionary
2) girl on top
3) doggie style
4) reverse cowgirl
5) spoon
(feel free to supplement this list with unlisted positions)
What is your preferred method/location of giving female ejaculate?:
Please answer the following questions regarding ANAL SEX:
Do you partake in activities in and around your anus?: (If yes, please list these activities)
What is the desired frequency of these activites (ie..twice per month...etc):
What is your preferred position when engaged in anal intercourse (if applicable):
Please answer the following with TRUE or FALSE:
1) I do not consider 700cc's of silicone implants to constitute a hostile work environment:
2) I do not bring girlfriends, stalking ex-girlfriends or other assorted dramas to my place of employment:
3) I do not have any sexually transmitted diseases: (must answer true)
4) I do not object to the use of condoms: (must answer true)
5) I understand that every effort will be made to induce orgasm(s) for my enjoyment, but do not expect a guarantee of one (or more) if I am having a stressful day or experiencing any other complication that would inhibit said orgasm:
6) I understand that my 'fuck buddy' will continue to date in the traditional manner, and is free to engage is sexual activity with due notice, but most likely will not during my time of 'employment':
7) I understand that while words such as 'employment' have been used in this questionnaire that there is absolutely no financial compensation for this position:
8. I believe that the only thing better than a tall, sexy fuck buddy is a tall, sexy fuck buddy with a sense of humor:
9) I understand that interviews for qualified candidates will begin on Friday and that if given an appointment time I may be asked to perform cunnilingus:
10) I understand that I may say no to the request for cunnilingus listed above, without damaging my prospects for this position:
11) I understand that if contacted, a picture will be required:
12) I understand that my answers will be held in the strictest confidence:
13) I understand that this ad is real, if not a bit silly and the product of work boredom:
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To link to this blog (Rosebud322) use [blog Rosebud322] in your messages.
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