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| Blogs > da_bears4u > Da_bears_den |
open relationships
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open relationships So what is the matter with an open relationship. We have been in one for goin on 4 years and swinging for goin on 9. Is it people don't believe we BOTH play? Is it people don't believe we trust each other? is it Not understanding? We wanna know your questions and hopefully we can answer them |
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4/14/2008 8:02 am |
I was talking about this with a female friend from Russia the other day. She said Americans are uptight about sex and marriage, and feel that sex and the emotional attachment can't be separated, and that when a partner cheats, the other usually takes it as a sign that the love is gone. My wife and I know our marriage is strong, and sex is used to cement our bond, but we also know that sex with other people is great fun and can be had without any emotional attachment or meaning. "Sex" doesn't have to mean "love". Most people don't undestand this.
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exactly..... that's how we began, she was attracted to a guy but i wasn't to his wife so we tried it and liked it! Besides, it's kinda hot to get the text at work with her sayin she's at home playing! And she says the same thing!
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4/24/2008 2:09 am |
I think the true nature of couple’s relationship comes out and all the nasty feelings you have been hiding from your partner come to the surface. I agree the life style is not for everyone. Some people are so consumed with it that they lose touch with reality. It is just sex and a mental escape from the struggles and problems we all face daily. You have to know your boundaries and likes and dislikes. When do you say “no I do not like this” and when do you share with your partner you like something a lot. I have to admit there are far too many people who are doing this that do not need to be. They are only in this for you to join their “drama club” and help them work out their marital issues. As they say, “If you can’t stand the heat, then get out of the kitchen.” but we also found there are a lot of people who are real and not threatened by the life style. We have not been it quite as long as you have been you learn really fast who you do want to know and don’t want to know in this. Hell, I am sure we seemed strange in the very beginning, but the longer you do this the more you are willing to try and things you know you will never try. I really don’t know if people think you both don’t play you seem more active on the internet than she is and I think that is where people get the impression you both don’t play.
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4/24/2008 9:49 am |
Im Married and allowed to do what I want. Just right now Im more attracted to women than I am Men  But I dont understand why your lives mean anything to those people who "arent into it" Who cares they are stupid and up tight. You guys obviously have a great relationship and will last a long time! 
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5/2/2008 8:09 pm |
Most of the ones we've seen fail (not that you two haven't seen many of the same ones.  ) are because too many people get "love" and "sex" conflated, or start getting the "grass is greener" syndrome.One of the other things we've seen is people that will use regular play partners in an open relationship as a confidant for problems with the primary partner, which only leads to transference, and things go downhill from there. And, of course, you guys nailed it -- trust. It's a lot like opening the cage for a bird, and trusting that it'll fly home to you later.
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so good comments are here, but I think what we more want to hear is why people DON"T understand what an open relationship is or disagree with how they work. Although the ones that agree and love open relationships please continue to comment. we just want to hear from the negatives too. Speak up damnit!
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