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| Blogs > educatedaccent > First Date - Public Place |
My Date With A Farmer, Wooing Frogs, Dogs, Sheep & Submissives
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My Date With A Farmer, Wooing Frogs, Dogs, Sheep & Submissives I'd been chatting on the phone for weeks to a farmer who lives out in the countryside two hours away. He has a lovely voice and maybe that's why I love talking to him, though he is a very much a farmer and tells me about his tractors and dogs and the gates and I express great concern and interest in whether the gate has been repaired. And I am genuinely interested in the gate. And in those sweet little sheep. But he eats meat! I ask whether eating sheep bothers him. He says sheep are like chickens. Sheep are stupid. I puzzle over this. How do you know sheep are stupid? Is that because sheep don't act smart and solve problems? Or because they always do what they are told? He says because they always do what they are told. Hang on a minute - does that mean that everybody who does what they are told, without thinking about the consequences, is stupid? Yes, he concedes. If they never question anything. Does that mean submissives are stupid, if they never question anything? Probably, he concedes. I puzzle over this. Are dogs stupid, if they do what you tell them? Dogs don't do what you tell them when they are on heat. His dogs are on heat for three weeks. He has two dogs. Not sheep dogs. Big dogs. I wondered why he has to get up early to take them out. Can't he give them the doggy equivalent of a cat flap, a flap. They are big dogs, he says. Ah. So, apart from creating a draught, you could not have a large flap on security grounds because a human being could crawl through it. It's 6 pm and suddenly he decides to drive over and take me out to dinner. Amazing. I'm wondering if this is going to be a success. He says he is still in his old clothes. He will have a shower. Then he is going to divert via a garage for diesel. I wonder if he is going to turn up on a tractor. He says he also had muddy boots. Hm? Well - he calls me en route and when he reaches the restaurant. I walk in and he jumps to his feet, smiling like the cat which got the cream. He's the proverbial tall, handsome man. If he isn't six foot, I'm a ham sandwich. He is not tall and dark. He has white hair flopping over a bright pink face - plus a vivid red smart-but-casual tee-shirt over a white shirt. And so handsome! Not the scruffy man I feared at all. In fact I'm sorry I'm not more dressed up and glamorous. And what can I do to entertain him, beside my chit-chat, to reward him for driving all this way? I do have a little finger puppet of a cow in my handbag. I actually have three finger puppets. One is a pig. They are tiny to carry around. You just never know when you are going to need a finger puppet. Seriously. I have a toastmasters meeting this week. I might be doing a humorous speech. I have just written a haiku on a frog. I forgot to take my frog glove puppet to the restaurant. Oh, well, he seemed happy enough. I did not tell him he had missed out on a frog haiku. Anyway the frog haiku is a bit suggestive. Line one I say that my neighbour has a pond with one frog. Line two I say I thought I saw two frogs. Line three I say I can see tadpoles. Not really what you want to say on a first date. He says my favourite local restaurant is very nice, great service, huge portions. Lovely decor. I order a kir. He's never come across a kir before. We city people can show farmers a thing or two. He has to leave by 10.30. A round trip. And he has to be up early, at dawn. Not milking the cows. But something like that. Short but sweet. What a lovely evening. I wonder if he will ask me out to dinner again. Next time I shall be better prepared. I shall take the frog. I have a treat in store for him. He has no idea. Perhaps I should tell him, 'I have a treat in store for you.' It's good to keep your audience wondering what surprises you have in store for them. Please don't spoil the surprise and tell him about the frog puppet. 'Elizabeth'[   |
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I have a feeling he'll be calling and asking you again. It was an interesting evening, and yu are interesting and entertaining, he'll call  ~jeff 'Elizabeth'[
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Thanks but I didn't understand. From your profile I see you are German and married. Very trying. I tried googling and got nothing. Does anybody speak Esperanto? I think I'll stick to the farmer. 'Elizabeth'[
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I have a feeling he'll be calling and asking you again. It was an interesting evening, and yu are interesting and entertaining, he'll call ~jeff He did call again. But unfortunately my farmer phoned to say he felt I was too educated for him. He felt outclassed. I obviously did not reassure him sufficiently. I should have spent less time demonstrating that I was wonderful and more telling him that he was wonderful. Learning experience. I like a man who knows what he wants, and politely shows he means business. While polite, being prepared to take no for answer, his enthusiasm makes it clear he'd be keen and happy to hear a yes. 'Elizabeth'[
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