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| Blogs > shysexual_MTgirl > Sexual desires, thoughts & ?s |
It was the damned crown!!
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It was the damned crown!! No, I wasn't in a pageant, and I'm not wearing a sparkly crown. The crown I speak of is Crown Royal. I haven't drank it in years, and now I remember why. I do stupid shit when I drink Crown. I don't get mean or anything, I just do stupid stuff. Last night was no exception. My weekend was anything but what I'd hoped for and expected. In short, it sucked. But I should know better than to get my hopes up, by now. So, I had a some Crown last night...and some beer. I had eaten about a slice and a half of pizza all day, so you can imagine what Crown and beer did to me...even being a big girl like myself. I'm pretty sure I sent some texts to a guy I was supposed to meet, but I erased a lot of stuff off of my phone....Look at that, even in my drunkenness, I was protecting myself from something. SMH Unfortunately, if I did send texts, I don't know what they were. Awesome. (someone please slap me) I guess my redemption in all of this, is that I called my best friend and bff made me promise to call someone to come and get me. I was nowhere near home, and the hotel I'd left was 30 miles away. So, I called a relative. She was NOT happy. First off, I hadn't told her I was in town. Strike one. Second off, I was 40 miles from her. Strike 2. Third, It was nearly 11pm. Strike 3. She came and got me, but she was pissed.  So, you can see what my evening was...what a way to end the shitty weekend. Only that wasn't all. It must have been a karma thing, but you know that when you drink a lot, the next day you are most likely going to have a hangover. Yup...it hit me. I probably deserved it. I'm not a big fan of myself right now. That is one reason I don't drink a whole lot. If I drink, it's a couple of drinks and I'm done. Usually, if I do get my drink on and end up drunk, I am the happy drunk. I love people. I'll talk to anyone. And EVERYONE is my best friend. Everyone gets a hug and shot. The shyness goes away. I'll tell a guy I think he's hot and not care. That's about the only good thing that comes from me getting drunk. So, with a hangover headache and queasy stomach, I made the 2 hour drive home. I had a lot of time to think. Obviously I can't write all of the stuff that went through my head, even if I wanted to. I don't know if I could explain it all. Or the reasons behind the thoughts and feelings. I've decided to not even bother anymore. I'm not putting an effort out to have sex. I just don't give a fuck anymore...literally and figuratively. I'm done. There is only so much one person can be expected to take. I've been through my share and sometimes I think more than my share. I'm tired. Tired of trying and failing. Tired of having men find fault with me based on either my looks, my body or my personality, without even bothering to get to know me. Tired of being ditched time and time again. Tired of feeling like I'm an idiot for trusting people. If someone finds me or I end the drought, it happens, but I'm not actively searching anymore... |
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Well, I must have said something pretty awful to the guy, because now he won't speak to me. I hate not knowing. I guess I fucked that one up. Sad, cuz I think he might have been fun. But if he was just toying with me, he should've just said he's not interested. I can respect that. I'll add Crown Royal to the list of things I cannot drink. Tequila is already there.
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