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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Witches are jerks
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Witches are jerks Man the internet really wants me to date Russian women , hasn't the internet seen Birthday Girl ? I feel like that plot has been used for a bunch of movies but now I can't think of any others . Maybe I'm thinking of episodes of Law and Order . Is life but a tiny flicker of light in the maddening darkness of eternity that makes our return to that darkness all the worse for comprehending what might have been and now will never be ? Nah , probably not . Why didn't I say witches are bitches ? You know why . I remembered a dream I had last night . It was your standard zombie apocalypse scenario - which has been done to death , come on Oneiroi get some new material - with the standard stock characters , the Nice Girl , the Team Mom , the Leader , the Loyal Second in Command , the Not So Loyal Second in Command , the Smart One , the Chick , the Strong Guy , etc. Anyway we decided to go visit the house of the Blair Witch to see if she could help , not because we REALLY believed she was real but just to give us something to do . You know in the zombie apocalypse you just kind of make up missions for yourself and pretend they're important so you don't lose your mind - you know , like being at work . So anyway , we get to Burkittsville after various misadventures and head out into the woods and eventually we find the house and we go inside and investigate . At this point something happens that makes us believe that the Blair Witch is real and is doing supernatural stuff - I don't know what it is either because the parts of your brain that create memory shut down during REM sleep or because dreams have really shitty story continuity (thanks again Oneiroi ! ) . Point is at this point our false hope becomes real hope and we freak out and start tearing the house apart looking for we don't even know what - the walls were full of roaches which fell on us like rain . Eventually we bust through a wall and find a sealed off room where we find what we assume to be the bones of Elly Kedward AKA the Blair Witch . "What the hell are we supposed to do now , hold a séance ?" I said bitterly and just then an old non-functional cellphone telephone that Tough But Sensitive Guy was carrying around for no good reason rings , the Leader and I snatch it away from him and it's none other than the Blair Witch communicating with us beyond the grave via Boost Mobile (Where you at ? ) . The Blair Witch says that she MIGHT help us if we complete a series of painful and humiliating challenges - which out of desperation we do . And then she says that her situation sucks too , the ghosts of all the people she's killed gang up and try to attack her and she can barely fight them off and the Hounds of Justice are always trying to drag her to hell - why should she help us ? And the Leader goes "We get attacked by zombies every day . Every person we meet tries to rob us or murder us or steal all our shit or us or screw us over in some fashion . We barely get any food or clear water , we're all malnourished and dehydrated and have dysentery and malaria . Every day is the worse day of our lives ." And the Blair Witch agrees that's pretty bad and agrees to help us on one last condition - that from now on the women of the group get to make all the decisions (#feminism) and I go "We can't do that , they're all traumatized from all the , they can't make good decisions ." And so she refused to help us and we left .  I asked the lady at work who fancies herself a dream master to tell me what this means and she said that it means that I "need to listen to my wife more" and when I told her for the 37th time that I am not married she said "Well maybe you're not married but you must be in a serious relationship with a woman and you need to listen to her more" . When I assured her that I had not been in a serious relationship in many years she refused to back down - she insisted that I was . I kind of like that , it's like the opposite of cold reading - I feel like John Edward's show would have been much more entertaining if he had said to a dude "I sense you've suffered a loss recently" and the dude goes "no , not really" and John Edwards said something like "You did SO you LIAR !!! I'm a fucking psychic !" And finally why haven't companies started buying the name rights to streets yet ? Seems like a no-brainer . Why am I turning down Hickman Ave every day when I could be turning down Dr. Pepper Snapple Group Inc Ave instead ? I don't know about the city you live in but we could sure use the money . If you turn down PepsiCo Street every day you're going to buy more Pepsi without even realizing it . Get with it corporate America . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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No I said turn on Panda Express Boulevard ! If you turn AT the Panda Express you're on Gaiam Vivendi Entertainment Way ! Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Weren't you the one that said blogs about dreams are boring? Although I must admit that was a decent one. As for me I'm back to the nightmares about my ex moving back in with me  amp;  
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People in dreams or movies are so easily misled. Don't they realize that when the music starts something is going to happen? Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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