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Blogs > potbelliedman > Whats going on in this world?

Sorry to have kept ya'll waiting.  

potbelliedman 48M
1042 posts
1/12/2008 11:24 pm

Last Read:
1/12/2015 7:45 pm
Sorry to have kept ya'll waiting.
I know, I know...it's been a while since I've blogged, and I've been hearing about it from a few of you for some time now, so tonight, I decided to sit down, and bang one out. (I mean bang out a blog on my keyboard...get yer mind outta the gutter.)

A lot has happened since my last blog, and I'm sure I'll forget most of it while I touch on the points I do wanna discuss, but I've been busy getting to know a lot of old friends, and been hanging out on some other sites too.

The advice lines that I once held so dear is in total shambles now a days. All the multi profilers who once graced it claiming it was obviously set up for fun, and not really the idea of sharing advice and stories have really turned it upside down by arguing amongst themselves, putting each other down, bitching about how other mulitis act, or the quality of the threads....It's gotten so stupid there I hardly even log on to check it these days.

I'm so back logged on catching up on my readers blogs that I'll probably never be caught up, and in total honest, because of one of the ladies I mentioned in my last blog, I've not been looking around for potential new mates.

Things with that new friend have been complicated by time issues we both have, and unfortunately, a lack of two way communication at times which is a big red flag for me, as that's how my last gf acted right before dumpin my ass...we've cleared things up a bit since then, but I've decided I can't wait around forever on the nights we used to meet on so often wondering if she'd show up or call, so I'm moving on to meet other people once again. (Which I'm sure she's also doing.) But like with all my friends, she has a special place in my heart, and I'm available for her when she needs me, or even just my ears or eyes.

I feel like I'm in a downward spiral as far as my health goes. I've been drinking way too much lately, getting out of shape again, not eating right, and generally wasting away.

Some of you already know about a condition I have where sometimes I have heart palpitations, or sudden drop in my blood pressure. These problems are becoming more acute lately too. I was at work just a couple days ago talking with one of my co-workers who I actually like and was having a feeling like someone gripping and squeezing inside my chest, followed by weakness. My friend was really concerned as I looked bad (Or so he says.) and I kept joking "Come on God...Kill me! I'm waiting damn it!"

As you know, I already feel like I've lived past what I was supposed to, and that's why I find this condition so funny. No matter how many times I'm hooked up to an EKG machine, or have a BP cuff strapped on, I never get to find exactly the source of my problem...although I believe it comes from my current life style.

I suppose I could do things to help change it. Live more healthy, stop smoking stogies, eat right, get my cutting edge back by getting in shape, but it's much easier for me now days with my lackadaisical attitude to be lazy.

Some of the friends I've been catching up with are amazed by my life story. They think it's book material. They might be right, but to me it all seems like it was another guy and another life when I'm telling them about my history over the past 10 or more years.

I've changed so much, and not all for the better I might add.
Of course some things have, as I've gotten more education, and make more money, but part of my brain feels that this is the root of my current problem. More money means having the means to buy and do what I want, and more education has put me in a position where I don't feel the same way about the world as I used to.

So old Ken has to find a happy medium where he can sort through the good ol' days that he wants to remember, but lock away the bad habits of the here and now while keeping the same mindset that the here and now is all we really have going for us anyways.

I don't know what all I'm really trying to say here. I guess I'm just feeling like my life is some sorta test tube, where chemical reactions take place, but no real results are ever anticipated, and I want that to change.

I'm sick and tired of bein' sick and tired so to speak.

I know the things I want, and normally would go after them, but lately I'm not doing that.

So tomorrow, I will set aside some time for deep meditation to talk with my inner core to find out what I need to be doing to get back on track.

I'm tired of not having a degree (Aside from in a black belt.) I'm tired of not having a stead partner(s), I'm tired of being unhealthy, I'm tired of always being the one in control, or the center of attention. I'm tired of being tired.

I've lost focus on so many things. And it's time to get my ass back on track.

It's a sad state of being when a man has no love or desire for anything he once cherished or grasped onto so tightly.

I feel like a leaf being blown off target by the breeze as it falls from the top of a tree.

Ken
potbelliedman 48M
2141 posts
1/12/2008 11:32 pm

 I'll post again once my mind is back in order.

Ken


outtherelinda 57F  
18868 posts
1/13/2008 2:24 am

 Hey hun, I am glad you are back. I was worried about you. I am sure you will get your mojo back soon. Take care of you and I will hopefully catch up with you soon.

Linda xxx

Feel free to come and check out my blog outtherelinda


potbelliedman replies on 1/14/2008 4:36 pm:
Thanks Linda.

I had a long talk with myself, and I think I know what I need to do. Of course I had to tell evil Ken to shut up and let good Ken speak for a while, but they both got their words in. LOL.

I tried to IM ya a couple of times but don't know if ya got them, as I didn't hear back. I figured you must be workin' or something though. And I figure well, ya know I'm usually set to invisible, but if I'm there, I'll respond when I hear from ya.

Thanks for stoppin' by, and hopefully the next blog will be more pleasant. LOL.

Ken

heavn1 62F

1/13/2008 7:55 am

 I have an ear for ya always, Ken darlin. Anytime you wanna talk, vent, rant, rave, whatever, is ok with me. Ya got my number dammit...use it!

Sending big ol hugs to ya
XOXO
~Heavn


potbelliedman replies on 1/14/2008 4:39 pm:
Aww..Thanks for the big ol' hugs. Hehehe.

One of the major issues I was thinking of was that I fooled around too much, and I think I lost my chance for getting any classes this semester. I just ran up to the school today though, and I may have time if someone else drops one they'll let me pick up. As you know, you're one of my inspirations for getting into Nursing along with Ro, and Peg. and some of the guys and gals I work with too.

I'm a jus' watchin' and keepin' my eye open for that light at the end of the tunnel.

Ken

IndianaNympho 57F
Ask me for a photo

1/13/2008 1:13 pm

 Hey you sorry to hear things have cooled off for ya. Don't worry about catching up on the blogs just stick to the current ones. Sounds to me like you need to find something to FOCUS on sounds like you are spinning in circles and drifting because you don't have a real direction. So STOP re-acting and start acting. Take care of yourself.


potbelliedman replies on 1/14/2008 4:43 pm:
Now that's the kick in the balls I needed! LOL.

I do need to act. Fo sho. That's one of the things I was tellin' myself in my self talk last night too. I got off my ass today and took some steps, so hopefully it will work out, and if not, well then, I just have some time to do other things that need to be done.

As far as the "cooling off" yeah, that sorta sucks, but her and I have time issues that just don't work, and because of her living situation, I sorta have to rely on her coming here when it's not her night with the boy. She claims that she is not intentionally blowing me off, (LO but is just busy...which I understand to a degree as I am too, but don't have a family to watch out for on top of my other shit too....so I'm cutting her some slack, but still keeping the window open, if ya know what I mean.

Ken

rm_SultryVirgo 55F
566 posts
1/13/2008 9:57 pm

 I for one was glad to see you back, both here and on the ad lines!

The denigration that it has sunk too because of half a dozen people and the many, many ulterior handles they have is depressing! But ya your right the fact that they have started to in-fight is a nice upside to the whole mess LOL.

Regardless, the rest well I went through my blip in July and you reminded me that if it didn't work out, I was not to forget that there are other's who would jump at the chance.

So I'm here to remind you of the same thing.......

Sultry


potbelliedman replies on 1/14/2008 4:51 pm:
Ahhh yes, Sultry, you are a woman worth fighting for. And as I told ya, history shows that men have killed each other and started wars over fiery women like you.

Most of them were probably indecisive lil peckers like me. LOL, but seriously, my focus is crystal clear now...and I'm wanting my edge back, so in order to get it, I'm putting myself to the sharpening stone, so to speak.

The AL seems to be a congregation of fools now. I hope the idiots get bored with it soon, but I know a few who have no life will stick around. It's a shame we can't hunt and kill them...but oh well. I will pop on it from time to time to see if it's restored to it's former glory of actually being a place where one can help someone with a question from time to time, instead of endure the endless banter of the voting gangs and cry babies.

Ken

rm_aboutme66 59F
6046 posts
1/14/2008 8:54 am

 Ken
If you don't take the time to figure it out ...Karma will find a way to make you.
Hugs and misses.
Donna
Someday is today.


potbelliedman replies on 1/14/2008 5:00 pm:
No way I'm letting my Karma ruin this one for me. LOL. As messed up as this life has been, I don't even want to think of the previous ones that led me here. I got your email btw, and it was very insightful.
Thanks.

Ken

BehindMyBlues 58F
15466 posts
1/16/2008 4:51 pm

 Nice to see you Ken - hang in there baby, it will get better. Sending you large hugs.
BehindMyBlues


potbelliedman replies on 1/17/2008 9:33 pm:
I like "large" hugs. Hehehe.
As far as getting better. The most important thing that needs to improve is just my perception. And it's getting better.

Ken

thebobbi 42F

1/17/2008 8:42 am

 Well...I know what ya mean. Although things are starting to become very good for me. I decided to step up and do something and I did. Now everything seems to be going in the right direction...so far...lol. First day at college was a riot btw. I was so lost. And I don't have my books yet so it made it kind of a pain in the butt. Didn't seem to need them anyway tho. But nah...so far so good. I really hope you can get in somewhere. It would be cool to see you around. Oh and go to the damn doc!! Jesus! LOL! j/k So as soon as I figure out how things are gonna go we should have a movie night or something. I have a lot to tell you about my trip to Wisconsin. hehe It was awesome! Well...anyhow..I hope you feel better soon and you know my number and all that if you want to talk or whatever. Hugs and kisses!
Bobbi


potbelliedman replies on 1/17/2008 9:37 pm:
Glad to hear that you had fun in school. I knew you would, but keep your guard up, cuz it does get harder on them days when they expect you to have books. There is little to zero chance of me slipping in under the radar now. So for now, I'm takin' a break.

And I don't wanna bust yer bubble about yer trip, but you know as your friend, I'm gonna listen to, scrutinize your story, and warn ya all about it, so I won't have to say I told ya so or something...but I'm glad ya had fun, and I do wanna hear 'bout it sometime.

As for seeing the doc....Fuck that. I'd rather find out if there really is a God or not.
Just a personal preference right now.

Ken

lonelyinpa77 46F

2/5/2008 8:53 pm

 Hey long time no talk. My phone is always on and always near me. U arent alone in tired of being sick and tired. I cant wait for spring,this weather is killing me. Anyways hope things get better,kisses.


potbelliedman replies on 3/1/2008 12:00 pm:
Thanks for the kisses...and I hear ya...Damn it...Where is the spring time at? I need it now.

Ken

Liv_Inlavalova 50M

2/7/2008 2:42 pm

 Shit, Im getting kicked off the computer before I had a chance to finish this. Got as far as you sayin its a bit complicated between you and yur mate, so Im gonna have ta come in fresh on this one next day. Soooooooooo problems in the advice lines, eh?

MAYBE I JUST BETTER GIVE THE ADVICE LINES THE OL INLAVALOVE CHARM.

Heh HEh.

I knew no one would be able to srew up the advice lines the way I can.

Again thanks for the cigars.
Me be back!
Chasing the Rock and Roll dream for Life.
Death is my back up plan!


potbelliedman replies on 3/1/2008 12:02 pm:
Dude, You need to give me your newest address. I got some shit I think will knock your socks off as far as cigars go.

Yeah, things are still off and on again with one of the new fwbs...but I guess, as long as I'm getting what makes me happy, I shouldn't expect more huh?

The ALs man....I just can't stand that place now. I rarely check it anymore.

Ken

ange1hart 57F
2967 posts
2/11/2008 3:54 am

 Hey sweety guess who is back too bad I deleted all my blogs ::SIGH:: I guess I will just have to start over.
"Temptation is fun...Giving in is even better.."


potbelliedman replies on 3/1/2008 12:03 pm:
Sometimes stating over is the best thing to do...Even though it sucks.

Glad to see ya back on here though.

Ken

rm_Khadile 54M
1507 posts
2/19/2008 4:38 pm

 hey, ran into your blog thru a mutual friend. I too have had my share of health problems and at times I do shout at God just to end it...but I guess we have to live thru it anyway.

but I'm curious on 1 point in particular...I have hyper tension and once in a while my blood pressure drops to normal and it feels like I'm dying when that happens. knocks me on my ass for a full day. anyway, have you ever gotten a reasonable explanation for this phenomenon?

keep the faith.


potbelliedman replies on 3/1/2008 12:04 pm:
Sorry to hear about you having similar health problems. They never seem to find the answer to mine..but always have the advice ot stop smoking, watch what I eat..exercise more, sleep more..be healthier..you catch the drift, I'm sure.

Where's Doctor McCoy when ya need him? LOL.

Ken

eve_39 57F

3/13/2008 10:22 am

 Hi KEN
Nice seeing you back

Big hugsssss


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